He should talk to this guy:

Sadly, not the first bridge/water to suffer structural damage in Minnesota.

You just described “Yankees fans” and “Mets fans”, respectively.

“He’s a synth, shoot him!”

(If you played Fallout 4, that’s funny)

Las Vegas Nordiques. Get ahead of it from day one.

He’ll be right up there with Clebold and Harris as one of the greatest shooters in Columbine history.

“reached 19.8 MPH on his way to the wall.”

They say Pierre-Paul may seek as many as seven digits.

It takes a lot to make me appreciate Chris Brown

Let it be known that Dave McKenna’s contributions to this in Slack were the puns “Knoblauch that kick!” and “Shankiel.”

i have forwarded these comments to charles shipan at your university.

The horse realizes that the Olympics should be for humans, not him, and is now righting a wrong. Respect.

This is like the Yankees not allowing A-Rod to hit but trotting out the corpse of Jeter for a whole fucking season in the 2-hole.

Stoops is definitely a dick.

Germans have a weird affinity for red and black color schemes.

I got so fired up about the Eagles after reading this that I threw batteries all over my office.

The splice must flow.

Replacing “splice” with “fuck” makes this a lot funnier.