Dammit! I was worried I missed a joke somewhere, and I was right. I should just never talk.

I love how you managed to spell the particularly difficult “Galifianakis” correctly but gave him the completely wrong first name. I’m fired up.

*Zach, unless this is some plus-size comedic actor mashup dig I’m not privy to.

If Dan Marino had played hockey:

Today I learned: Sáček is the Czech equivalent of Sanchez.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

I guess when you’ve just been catching kids thrown/dropped from a burning building, you’ve earned the chance to diss local sports men.

“You can just throw them out of windows??”

I knew that comment would have a swift and severe backsplash.

An inexperienced coach needs a reliable brain trust around him.

What idiot called it Jalen wanting to leave the Jaguars and not Ramsey Boltin’?

IT’S A TRAP!

Any suggestions as to why Hager might have done this can be sent directly to me at jeromebettis24@aol.com.

In a letter to the Arizona Interscholastic Association, the school’s athletic director said the investigation had not found a motive for Hager’s actions.

The problem with previews—and the fact that there are more than ever—is that I want to enjoy my popcorn during the movie I came to see.

I do think that once you two are married and ensconced in your own domesticity that the problem will become less pronounced.

Driving to Wisconsin from Illinois is exciting because Wisconsin is a fun state to visit for a weekend. There’s lakes, binge drinking, CHEEEESE, all the things you could really need to take a break from IL. Take the skyway into Indiana and see if you feel that same excitement...cause guess what, you don’t. You’re…

We rarely know everything behind a stranger’s situation. Maybe she had a death in the family and booked last-minute tickets to attend the funeral. Maybe another family member just called to say they’re suicidal or in desperate medical condition, and she dropped everything and booked the only seats she could grab.