I don't have much trouble falling asleep, but I am the lightest sleeper on the face of the planet. If you try to come into the room I'm sleeping in, I will wake up as soon as you start turning the doorknob. And I toss and turn all night. So basically, I never sleep more than 4 hours continuously.

I'm... I don't have words.

[Ashton Kutcher pops up from behind the toilet.]

The time I am glad I STFU'd:

But even though science says that it's completely okay, you will still be treated like an absolutely terrible mother for taking so much as an aspirin while breastfeeding.

PLEEEEEASE

One time, I accidentally put milk in a cup of Darjeeling (thinking that it was Assam) and then drank it. I think you'd be justified in nuking the British Isles on that basis alone.

Given the British monarchy's history, almost any nursery theme they chose could have problematic connotations.

I had the morning after pill 4 times in the UK between 17 and 21, and you know how I did it every single time?

Walked into pharmacy

I'm also surprised user error wasn't mentioned as a concern in Jezebel's article. I'm not an expert on condom use, and I'm definitely not against sexifying the task, but it's rather obvious putting one on with your feet could be less-than-efficient.

Yeah, no sexy condom application going on in my bedroom. Those things are put on carefully with full concentration by both parties. No sexy play. No distractions. This is serious business!

What kind of user error? (genuinely curious)

...does using one's mouth to put it on reduce effectiveness?

In college, he was an Ursa Major!

It's the ring bear-er. Get it? They made a funny.

The only thing I am ok with is "DON'T STAND UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE WHEN THINGS ARE HAPPENING."

Hell yes we do. Especially the ones who got banned over pointing out he's full of shit.

This gif is pure gold. I think it should be the header for the actual apology post that should follow this one...

Grab your ovaries and come out with a real statement, or, hell, a retraction if necessary. This - this is bargaining. And it is pathetic. Jessica, I respect that your job is difficult. You're representing feminism to a broad audience. Do us all a favor: stand up straight and speak clearly. I have tremendous faith in…

They're like, "where's the car?" but we're like, "where's the car?"