I doubt he'd have the patience or the ability to read the blank pages in Amy Poehler's book.

Rum Hannity!

Whoa, whoa! Let's not get carried away there. How about we send them our thoughts and prayers for a few years and see how that works out?

So far today that we know of.

Is that what they call your face after it's been re-arranged by a group of the airline's hired goons?

It turns out they really didn't need to board those 4 employees in the first place! It was all a wacky mix-up! You should have seen the razzing they gave Bob at the check-in desk after this. Man, was his face red.

I'm sure that the surgery went swimmingly, given that he was beaten roughly about the head and neck and seemed to be dazed only a day before.

If he's a minority, they'll let you know that he is a criminal (no such thing as an "ex" con).

I am so ova all these pun threads.

The implication?

So you're fine with being forced against your will to leave a plane for which you've purchased a seat ticket, and need to be at your destination to treat patients?

If had only been wearing a MAGA hat, Trump would be tweeting about what a disgrace this is, and how United is a failing airline at this very moment.

Maggie needs braces!

Death by snoo-snoo!

But who will kill spiders for you?

I'm an American, and, oddly enough, the last time I had a Pizza Hut pizza was when I was in Adelaide and it was late, my friends and I were hungry, and that was the only place that was open. It was pretty much the same as America Pizza Hut pizza.

Have we forgotten about Stacey Dash already?

14% of Trump supporters say that the pictures from Trump's inauguration clearly show larger crowds than are shown in pictures from Obama's inaugurations.

That's not new- it's just the Dunning-Kruger effect in action.

I'm walkin' heah!