She’s goes by Jill.

Well, that’s at least two Colombians whose hips don’t lie. 

The charging cable is locked into the car when they lock it. So you can unplug it from your outlet, but you aint gettting that bitch out of the charging port.

It’s still newer than the Nissan Z. Might as well just put it back on the market. 

The police showed up at my 3 year old’s birthday party to serve a noise complaint.

Guess you’ve never heard of Gritty.

How many kids get to say that happened at their party?

I know I’ve told this story before, but, when my son was three, we were at the zoo and he made that face that little boys make (it’s always little boys) when they desperately need to poop but really don’t want to stop what they’re doing.

I had no idea that happens - my undergrad from 20+ years ago still gives me an @alum.foo.edu address.

If someone volunteers to take your crap, you don’t ask any questions!

What college lets you keep an email longer than a year from when you’re off the books? I’d be signing up for all those good college email perks like cheaper Amazon in perpetuity.

I have a co-worker from Naples. He has explained that a common street food in Naples is a pizza portafoglio (wallet pizza), which is — as you describe — a big, single-serve pizza with no cuts. It’s folded in four.

Recently, I was walking my dog in my neighborhood, carrying a bag of the dog’s crap, as one does when walking their dog. A woman walked by me and asked me if I wanted her to take the poop from me and throw out, as she was close to home and she didn’t mind at all. Even though I was only about 5 minutes from my home…

Replace “toddler” with “cat” and I’ve had the same experience.

My toddler shits the same size and shape as a flashlight or large squash. It’s mind blowing coming outta someone less than four feet tall.

Agreed.

I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old and I love getting up with the 3 month old on weekends when he wakes around 7-730. Some quality daddy and baby time then he goes back to sleep 45 minutes later and I make coffee and sit on the deck and chill in the fresh morning air until the 2 year old wakes up (sometime after 9)…

Getting close to that stage.... “Oh you’re up, good, there’s an acre of weeds that needs a pullin’”

I was just in London for work and several of us went to an authentic Neapolitan place that made giant personal sized pizzas. Of course they are delivered uncut, and one of my colleagues was confused and incensed by this. She proceeded to ROLL THE GODDAMN THING UP, and ate it like a giant Neapolitan pizza-burrito.  I…

Sleeping in is overrated, mainly because I have never been able to do it. The best time to wake up is the sweet spot between whenever you wake up and the kids (or whoever) gets up. I can get 2-3 hours of pure bliss by being awake when everyone is sleep....usually I spend it goofing around on the internet, but it’s…