BMW drivers dream to have this level of asshat parking job

This just made me snort.  Good job.

That might not be a question, but it certainly raises a few.

Is that you or your PO speaking?

You went there, you magnificent bastard.

My best dad trick is odd days boy sits in front seat, even days girl sits in front seat. Same goes for doing the dishes. 

Thanks for the “too loud” office laugh. Fuck you Karen and your disapproving stares. I’m on lunch.

Co-sign. As much as it sucks in that moment, you go into their room and try to get them back down. If that means kneeling by their bed and rubbing their back for 20 minutes at 3:00 am, you fucking do it.

This probably isn’t even a question. But is there a worst decision than trying to sleep next to your kid?

“This probably isn’t even a question. But is there a worst decision than trying to sleep next to your kid?”
Obviously no. Sleeping with your child is the absolute worst and parents who can (or pretend they can) co-sleep are actually swamp monsters sent to infiltrate and try to ruin American parentage by making normal…

Bush evaded those shoes because he is fairly athletic old guy who’s got reflexes like a cat.

This probably isn’t even a question. But is there a worst decision than trying to sleep next to your kid? They are 2000 degree pinwheels that make odd noises and twitch nonstop while driving their tiny feet in to your sides.

I didn’t get it until I read your comment, so go have yourself a beer and put it on my tab.

I read the comment, didn’t get it, actually left the page, started browsing other pages, then it hit me. So I returned to give a star.

That’s just wrong man.

Better or worse than getting punched out by a 72 year old astronaut?

I have to admit that I almost feel bad for attacker, I mean aside from the potential mental health issues there. This is your moment of fame where you dropkicked a 70-year old man from the back and he barely felt your attack.

Don’t sweat it, man, the housekeeper has been rejecting my advances too.

My ultimate takeaway is that Arnold still makes me feel bad about myself.