I mean, it's no 700 ft. marble race, but it was all right.

DON’T LOOK AT MEEEE

As a 10 year vet of food retail, I can tell you honestly that you are doing it correctly. Also, unless your purchases are extremely out of the norm, like say 50 cucumbers and a jar of KY with nothing else, your cashier and bagger are probably too busy to notice or care.

It has taken 5+ years and dozens of divorce threats for my wife to condition me to do it this way. It really is a great way to do it. The only way, I meant the only way please don’t hit me again.

I should mention that I have anxiety issues and I’m under the impression that everyone is looking at and judging what I have in my cart.

Correct.

If it makes you feel any better, I can tell you in two years I NEVER noticed anyone’s embarrassing purchases. Usually you’re working so fast and automatically you barely register there are people making these purchases.

This is the only way to put your shit on the conveyor. All other ways are false.

Millennials won’t remember this, but Warren G. Harding gave out Blow Pops and stripper-grams to every American teenager who pledged to vote for him.

A married couple we know recently got pregnant, and sent my wife and me an online survey to rank potential baby names.

In the checkout, cold things go with other cold things. Boxes go with other boxes. The stuff that can be broken and smushed needs to be bagged last. Whatever embarrassing thing I have to buy is hidden in the middle between the boxes and the milk/juice, so people don’t realize my shame.

Elitist. We’re settlers. We have a dirt farm. And foot stompin’. We couldn’t even afford the movies.

You have legs?! Must be nice.

Before our shift at the mines...

Uphill, both ways. Without a coat or shoes.

You kids are spoiled today with your pixels. Why, when I was a child we’d walk two miles in the snow to the unheated theater to see flat 2D animation and we were happy to have it!

Have you noticed that as you get older you crave softer and softer things?

Good Morning! Welcome to The Morning Shift, your roundup of the auto news that infuriates you!

Although I don’t study crabs, many crabs undergo “migrations” when spawning or releasing eggs. Other species of crab are highly mobile - tagged blue crabs move impressive distances. I imagine deep sea crabs are either a) completely tied to benthic features, like seamounts, seeps, etc., or b) highly migratory, moving…