This is terrifying. You have an open invitation to come hide out at my house. I live in Canada. I have wine and Trump is not vying to run my country.

I would be so down for a Stenberg/Blanchard presidential ticket. or a superhero movie. or both.

Didn’t we establish that the minimum balance on a starbucks card is $5? *Checks* Yes, yes we did.

I have a very similar story. Before I begin I just want to say I know that feeling, it’s awful, and I’m so sorry. Growing up I was very very vain about my hair. This will sound douchey but I did/(hopefully still) do have great hair. My mom worked at a salon for awhile so it was just kinda natural for me I guess.…

My SodaStream is like a child to me. I cherish it.

Like I get most of these are going to be funny, but I have so many terrible terrible stories about my former alcoholic father. I think I’ve told this one before, but I can’t help but tell it again.

Nah, the question is why do glorified administrators get to pocket billions of dollars on the backs of unpaid college athletes.

Jonathan Franzen is so far up his own butthole he’s about to create a singularity

It’s interesting how I hear the marriage isn’t feminist thing and I think “maybe you should understand how things evolve though history and in there are a myriad of social contexts you aren’t considering... also maybe stop telling this to a FUCKING LESBIAN YOU HETERO NORMATIVE PIECE OF SHIT.”

Brian Blessed makes my heart do a happy dance.

All the freude in the schaden has made me so happy I might just make FeralDad a sammich after I schnitzel with his wiener.

I’ve been toying with the idea of “gladenfreude”, where I try to find vicarious joy in other people’s good fortune. But that can wait until tomorrow. For tonight, my friends, we freude the schaden. (I mean, if I can barge in?)

The idea of “family over all” is very, very ingrained in a lot of cultures across all societies, and I also think not necessarily always a good thing.

I’m biracial, so the white part is 95% feminist and 5% confused as to why black girls can’t just, like, be cool and accept that some white girls like to wear cornrows, and the black part is 85% feminist and 15% sick of White Feminists(tm) and all their shit.

About 85%. The other 15% is water, blood spewing from my whatever, thoughts about shoes, heavy moisturizer, winged eyeliner, and a burrito.

My last restaurant was the best because the cook was a redhead. Nobody trying to pull the “hair on my food” trick ever got it right! One manager would even pull him out onto the floor to prove it to jackhat customers. It gave me warm fuzzies seeing those scam artists deflated.

Thank you, commoner, and good day. I have to get back to my map of “underperforming” schools and choose some more to close and then sell to fancy charter schools that have no history of doing better than CPS schools. Bai.