About five seconds of watching Barbara and Jenelle is all it takes to figure out they both probably had absolutely terrible childhoods, and the only thing different about Jace (and Kaiser) is that we’re watching that cycle play out in real-time. These people need therapy. Even Leah, god bless her simple heart, who has…

Think about how much it must eat at Steve Coogan’s SOUL to know that fucking Piers Morgan is more famous in America than he is.

I believe I am the stronger candidate.

I vividly remember a conversation I had in third grade, 1992. I was on the swings with my best friend Tiffany (of course) and we were talking about the upcoming election, as you do when you’re in third grade and weird. I said I liked Bill Clinton, for reasons that are lost to me (mom was a Republican and dad a…

Was he still in his uniform or did he just tell you he was a cop?

I bet he never throws rocks at cars again.

It’ll be Ansel Elgort. He’s perfect:

* white
* boring face
* younger than her so she can boss him around
* he wants to be more famous

had been dating for about four months

But how many of these covers are GOOD?

Think of it this way...this is an unusual story, people were punished for harming this girl, and the general consensus of people reading about it is one of disgust. That was not always the case. That is not the case in some parts of the world right now. Things are getting better, but slowly.

I saw a kid, about nine, sneeze into his elbow last weekend at the movie theater. I was so proud of that lil’ stranger.

Oh I’m an atheist and do full on do Christmas and I love it. Tree, lights, presents, food, family, fun. All the secular stuff. I’ll listen to Christmas music, too, including religious carols, because there are some great ones. Send cards! Man I love it. We also light a menorah for my Jewish-atheist boyfriend.

I’m not…

Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

I actually did one of those DNA things as a Christmas present last year, and the answer is yes, it came up like 25% Scandinavian, which surprised me. I am very much descended from Swedish milkmaids. I knew I was white but I didn’t realize I was THAT white.

Genetics gave me a gut like a calf.

Dairy has never harmed me. It’s my one talent. If I were an X-man I’d be the Dairy Queen.

He’s cute but MAN he looks like a baby to my 31-year-old eyes.

Outing myself as a “Stars Are Blind” apologist.

IT’S A GOOD SONG

I don’t know Jenny Slate and I don’t know her life but I love her work and wish her well in all things BUT ALSO, man, stories like this make me really nervous about ever collaborating creatively with my boyfriend. Not like we’re famous or anything, but still.

(See also: Poehler/Arnett, Ball/Arnaz...basically any funny…

Oh this is some Death on the Nile shit I LOVE IT