Maybe he really did have a bite taken out of his side — I hear he's going as a sexy watermelon for Halloween.

The only Silence of the Lambs costume worse than that abomination would be a discount "Hannibal Lecter mask and smock featuring a picture of Hannibal Lecter" combination.

Fun fact: there's a real maze-solving algorithm known as the Azkaban Algorithm.

"The picture portrayed was painted with a broad brush, a broad one-sided brush."

It's the easiest jab in the world for her to make, and yet I'm still laughing.

I just hope Tim Hortons isn't getting any ideas for Roll Up The Rim from this.

I like him too. I find his rich and eclectic vocabulary (spurious! prurient!) oddly attractive. During his goth detective phase he put me in mind of a Charles Dickens character on Red Bull, and it was delightful.

"People really do behave in the most extraordinary manner these days!"

I'd like to think the concept meeting for this commercial went something like this:

Your gif is showing up beautifully at this end, Donovanesque. Thanks so much to you and shan164 for the well wishes, and BabyJane for making me feel so shiny.

Yes, yes it will. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a grove of elms to save with my hatchet, and some priceless antiques to rescue with fire. Cheerio!

Bedding and footprints are all well and good, but what of their bounce factor? Do they really eschew stepladders? Inquiring minds would like to know!

Thank you! And also hearted: I can tell you are wise in the ways of perfume. :)

Oh, and I would like to see a snail in a nightcap, reading a book by candlelight.

"The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend; the best way to make a panda a friend is to give him ice cream" — Abraham Lincoln

"But I'm such a nice guy, officers! Why wouldn't that fucking bitch like my status?"

A pile of pennies. Hi-larious. Let me guess: he was eating alone?

Beware those diamante decorations: they have a tendency to fall into the macaroni. Double doo-doo.

Oh dear, mystery cantaloupe. Did it sneak in at the end of brunch? Cantaloupe's always doing that.

Ack, so clever! The only thing that came to my mind was: "Who is your daddy, and what does he do?"