This is surely neatest and tidiest emergency shit in the history of unexpected poops. Well done!

The pumpkin seed story and Moe's lost tampon are the two horror stories I return to again and again. I will never tire of those stories, or this guy:

This poor fellow had Build-A-Bear dreams: he got his little accessories, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?!

Dibs on "Fuzzy MRSA-Riddled Snout" for a band name. Our encore song will be a thrash metal version of Teddy Bears Picnic.

Well, he did plan the 2012 Olympics in London...

You're welcome! I've seen some pretty long names, so I'm not sure if there's a hard limit. Have fun with it and play around: it may get truncated (with an ellipsis) in some cases, but if people click your name (i.e., to see your comment history, as you mentioned—they'd have to be a real nosey-nose) I think the full…

Not weird—happens all the time. If you don't want to make a radical change, though, I have seen Jezzies in the past do a sort of transitional thing. For example, I've seen New Handle (formerly known as sideeffect), New Handle AKA sideeffect and New Handle (sideeffect). When the new name caught on, they just edited…

Disclosure: I've only hired two people in my current role. However, while interviewing for those two positions, I can tell you the people who made the greatest impression were those who knew how to tell a story—their story. If you say your greatest strength is that you're organized...well, okay. But if you say…

Aw, Abbeynova, what a beautiful tribute to your lovely Gideon! I'm so very sorry for your loss, though. It sounds like pets have played a really strong role in both of our lives. And you will be amazing, I'm sure of it: this job sounds like a wonderful homecoming for you, and a great opportunity to boot. Whatever…

Congratulations on the new position! I can definitely relate: I spent a year keeping to myself (with my dog) after completely burning out from work. Like GingerKeeper, my leap back into the mad, vibrant world was grad school. I also recommend just taking it one day at a time, and with small steps. Don't feel you…

A recent favourite is "Separation" by W. S. Merwin:

Oh, you just <i>know</i> he sometimes lingers a beat too long in front of mirrors, twirling the ends of that moustache and grinning an evil grin.

KiloKeanus! But of course! <i>smites forehead</i> I <i>knew</i> using milliSadPandas as a base unit of measurement was a mistake.

I can hear the beginnings of her very own superhero theme tune:
"Phyllis Wise! Phyllis Wise! Fighting dumb-dumbs, in disguise!"

You're goddamn right. Joey Jeremiah and jean jackets forever!

Look at this fucking logo right here. Hawt!

I was going to stump for the Saskatchewan Wheat Pool as the sexiest organization, then I remembered a) it was intraprovincial, but not federal, and b) it doesn't exist anymore. Sad face.

The secret to repelling free market forces is in the nougat.

DO IT. Between that demon horse gif and the reference to A Christmas Story, you're my favourite person on this post right now. Make with the annotations!

Beat me to it. I don't know how the officer could have resisted saying "make way for ducklings"—although, in fairness, I also don't know how she resisted running after them saying "let me love you!" (as I might have done).