It's too bad Luck had to be put down.

One day I'm going to die in a housefire because I choked on the smoke and some bearded hipster is going to live because he breathed through his face filter.

I shall not come on! Beards are disgusting. Just as we abhor the thought that we used to throw our shit in the streets, one day we will abhor the fact that men once walked around with a second pubic area on their faces.

Hair collects things.

Yolo Hippopotamus teaches children about the virtues of self determination and ethnic purity while wildly embracing his carefree, carpe diem worldview. In one episode, he explains the virtues of a strong railroad economy while snorting a line of crushed up Oxycontin from a sleeping homeless man's head. Yolo!

Yolo Hippopotamus

I wish all men would shave. Aesthetics aside, you're walking around with a feces filter on your face.

I can barely get through the first act of Star Fox.

We can watch W. and quietly sob about better times.

A case of Champagne per night.

That squares my breasts!

I need tips to date the bits of the former Dormer.

Hopefully that would have been the first historic statue to be taken down. There's a joke five people will get.

The Copeland's in my hood just shut down and I don't think anyone will miss it. If the Popeye's shut down, there would be picketing.

TSA doesn't respond well to, "DO YOU WANT TO WAKE THE DRAGON?!"

Lohan behold, an article about Lindsay.

The healing can only begin when he reveals where Lyman is buried.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Flask

I'm on the fence with this game until AV Club tells me how woke it is.

"David timidly bit his lip while Richard unbuttoned his shirt and said, 'It's not a crime if the President does it.'"