He's just dicking around.

I imagine sex with Tyler Perry must be very boring. I mean, once you get past the Madea wig, of course.

Is step one admitting that you are powerless and that your life has become unmanageable?

I google translated that and it makes less sense in English.

That's a keeper.

Allegedly. He allegedly is president.

Before you try that stunt, you should call your physical therapist and teller.

I thought we had Dunaway with puns.

1600 Penn inoculated me from that feeling.

*Josh Gad punches his agent through the chest and devours his still beating heart*

You should've heard what the Grammys said when the Image Awards weren't in the room.

McRibbed for her pleasure.

I didn't get nervous until I saw his colonoscopy machine had a nob that went to 11.

*Day Lewis sits naked in a stovepipe hat, using feather and ink to draw a dick pic*

I hope they cast Walton Goggins as a sassy, southern Michael Myers.

His music puts me to sleep.

I've got the pinup of Ms. Snarktober in my bunk.

They don't proofread the articles because we're not supposed to read them either.

Doug Jones was the guy who directed Satellite with Sean Rockwell and the ill-fated BattleTechnique adaptation.

Creoles or camparis or even romas are good, but most tomatoes don't have much flavor.