I’ve seen this done with boxing and it’s not nearly as amusing

My wife’s car came from a dealer that promised free annual inspections if you kept the Analrape Yugo plate frame on.

My Mom died before my little guy was born (we found out my wife was pregnant literally the same weekend) but my Dad just died in October and my little guy turned three right before.

The 928 was always my favorite Porsche and I almost bought one back in the mid-90s until I realized a car that originally stickered just south of $100k shouldn’t be selling for $25k just four years later — and a little research showed that the frames tended to...not be after a few years.

The Hall of Fame of anything should consist entirely of people/entities even the average fan would look at and say “Yes, of course.”

I pity the poor interns who have to answer the phone at the local CBS affiliate most Sundays, since here in Central PA the Ravens claim it as their secondary market even though the Ravens are probably the 4th-most-popular team here, behind, in order, the Steelers, Eagles and Redskins, and some days I’d even say 5th…

I love Godzilla, but even the Big G isn’t staying up when he takes a giant sleigh full of toys to his temple at the speed Santa gets that thing up to for delivering to every quasi-Christian household planetwide.

Is it still domestic assault if I commit it abroad?

While tailgating before an Eagles game a Boy Scout came around selling popcorn. I’m usually an easy mark to throw dollars into the cans of the youth sports teams so I said “Sure, I’ll buy a bag.” It was maybe eight ounces of tooth-destroying sugar-drizzled foam.

Only NASCAR could find a way to screw up “cars go around a track” — the endless tinkering with the rules will never deliver the return to the glory days the Frances want, and, in fact, is just making it harder for a casual fan to care.

I gave up on his hot circles of failure when he whined that the cost of providing health care would raise prices by an average of ten cents per pie — a “price hike” that almost no one would notice.

The Emmy Award for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series should have been permanently renamed the Troy McClure “You’re Starring as the Human.” “It’s the Role I was Born to Play” Award...for Outstanding Achievement in...the Field of...Excellence!

The only correct answer to “Favorite Mike + the Mechanics Song” is “Fuck You. Even though I have almost infinite storage space for songs it’s not enough to waste any on guys who make Pablo Cruise look like Motorhead.”

Why do the engines have drivers/engineers? Are they just in there masturbating all day while Thomas flits from place to place?

I think this demands a “Toughest President” NCAA-style bracket.

Considering nary a week goes by without the report of a brawl at a Chuck E. Cheese somewhere in America they should just replace the animatronics with ED-209s

The local science center gave away free eclipse glasses — actually, they outsourced it to some Australian astronomy company in an Airstream trailer set up out front — and now I can’t help but think this cardboard frame of lies is all about blinding Americans to finally exact revenge for the failure of Yahoo Serious.

As an Eagles fan I want to thank your team for that trade last year.

THIS is finally Jake Plummer’s year!

20-year season ticket holder here, with my former seats dead center in the end zone of the 700-level at the Vet.