Anyone who looks at a strip-mall “spa” that’s open from 9AM-11PM seven days a week and thinks “Aha! I expect to find this pristine facility staffed with naught but graduates of the Scandinavian Royal Academy of Massagery” is just desperately trying to explain to his wife why the police car brought him home. 

One is the most venal, amoral and coldly heartless character in television history that somehow is never punished for myriad crimes, and the other is Tony Soprano.

I have Philadelphia Eagles season tickets and they only accept digital tickets at the gates.

At the Linc we’ve been tailgating with Rap Snacks ever since I bought out Big Lots’ entire stock of them.

I was really hoping the Eagles were changing the stadium banners this year and taking away all the pointless division title banners.

In the crush of the gas price panic my Dad traded in his 1969 Ford Thunderbird with the 429 Police Interceptor package for a...1974 (I think) Ford Maverick.

Can we please have a moment of silence for the Sports Marketing intern forced into the costume and who was literally buried under a hail of car batteries, discarded urinals and empty Schmidt’s kegs at his very first appearance?

Americans were robbed of seeing Christian Hackenberg star in an update of this

Finally an explanation for the “stages”

King of the Hill just might be the most underrated show in television history, which seems odd to say about a show that had over a dozen seasons.

What a shocker the guy who cried about having to charge an extra ten cents a pizza for health care for his workers is a bucket of smashed assholes.

So, just like his pizza recipes?

I just dropped $200 for Kindle versions of Disney movies I already own on DVD and/or Blu-Ray so my kid would be properly sedated on a Florida drive.

Don’t soccer teams literally change their kits every season?

So, in the future, DC buys Disney?

As long as we get one scene of her moving a planet while people stand around saying “Why is that woman in the leather outfit doing a handstand? Are they doing a new ‘50 Shades’ movie here? Whoa, it’s getting really cold all of a sudden.”

If you check on the setlist website and determine the rest of the set is not something you want to hear, it’s ok to go.

I’m just happy all those D.C.-area automotive actors were able to find work after The Americans wrapped

“I’ve got an unbeatable system that can’t lose!”

Can we put several trillion dollars into either reanimating Chris Latta or several thousand into teaching Alan Tudyk to imitate him?