Anyone who looks at a strip-mall “spa” that’s open from 9AM-11PM seven days a week and thinks “Aha! I expect to find this pristine facility staffed with naught but graduates of the Scandinavian Royal Academy of Massagery” is just desperately trying to explain to his wife why the police car brought him home. 

One is the most venal, amoral and coldly heartless character in television history that somehow is never punished for myriad crimes, and the other is Tony Soprano.

I have Philadelphia Eagles season tickets and they only accept digital tickets at the gates.

At the Linc we’ve been tailgating with Rap Snacks ever since I bought out Big Lots’ entire stock of them.

I was really hoping the Eagles were changing the stadium banners this year and taking away all the pointless division title banners.

In the crush of the gas price panic my Dad traded in his 1969 Ford Thunderbird with the 429 Police Interceptor package for a...1974 (I think) Ford Maverick.

Can we please have a moment of silence for the Sports Marketing intern forced into the costume and who was literally buried under a hail of car batteries, discarded urinals and empty Schmidt’s kegs at his very first appearance?

Americans were robbed of seeing Christian Hackenberg star in an update of this

Finally an explanation for the “stages”

King of the Hill just might be the most underrated show in television history, which seems odd to say about a show that had over a dozen seasons.

What a shocker the guy who cried about having to charge an extra ten cents a pizza for health care for his workers is a bucket of smashed assholes.

So, just like his pizza recipes?

I just dropped $200 for Kindle versions of Disney movies I already own on DVD and/or Blu-Ray so my kid would be properly sedated on a Florida drive.

Don’t soccer teams literally change their kits every season?

If you check on the setlist website and determine the rest of the set is not something you want to hear, it’s ok to go.

“I’ve got an unbeatable system that can’t lose!”

If you have to lie about why you canceled your event, then have your state-run media lie about why you canceled your event, you might just have to admit you’re the kid in class who’ll never have anyone come to his birthday party.

His nuts in Peter King’s mouth? Easily. Often.

I’m just glad he’s finally made his peace with his unanswered emails offering up his Love Guru 2: Mariska Boogaloo script

Hear the Pens are bringing up Ogilthorpe from Syracuse to give ‘em some grit.