Pfft, if that kid was a REAL Yinzer his ice cream would come smothered in French Fries, Ahrn Ciddy and a hard-boiled egg from Jack’s.

This seemed to be the first one that really tried to be old Top Gear, but all it did was expose how weak and chemistry-free this new cast is compared to the Big Three.

The real set design challenge is the scene where the Dad screams “If I say a top hat is a hotel it’s a hotel” before flipping the entire theater over.

The “Tell ‘em Crazy Wally sent ya” line in radio commercials is 100% so the dealer can treat the ad salesperson like a whipped dog a month later and bellow “Nobody said Crazy Wally sent them here for a pre-owned Daewoo at 24% interest! Your ads are worthless! I demand 400 make-goods and a free sponsorship of high…

They’re certainly striking while the iron is ice-cold. What’s their next move, the “Perfect Strangers” ride at Cedar Point?

There’s also a Mummy Pirate — or is that Pirate Mummy — which show you how Disney Jr. has its finger firmly on the pulse of the hot movies of 1947. “We need a new pirate captain — how about a fast-talking dame with gams that don’t quit? Or maybe a (horrific racial stereotype redacted)?”

The “Your rival doesn’t consider you their rival” thing is real.

If could afford one done up right I’d snag one in a second. Sadly, northern winters erased most of them from the roads long ago.

Thanks to the historical documentary “Smokey & the Bandit” I grew up believing the greatest performance car possible was the Pontiac Trans-Am.

I’ve recently expanded my “if it’s shorter than an 8-hour drive, just drive instead of the ass-ache of flying” to 12 hours.

My dentist is Brazilian, and months ago (fewer than six!) I asked him if he was attending the games and he laughed long and loud before telling me “by the time the games get here they won’t have bribed enough people to find out who they REALLY need to bribe.”

A man who spends cash American on that haircut shouldn’t be allowed to play as the Raiders in “Tecmo Bowl,” let alone own the real ones.

I want to see this done in Philadelphia...until approximately 82 feet into the race when every car’s suspension is shredded by train tracks, potholes and discarded Mummer detritus and the drivers have to run to their pits under a hail of D batteries and empty Schmidt’s cans.

No later than week six Carson Palmer’s knees will explode and Howie will leap into action, trading Bradford to the Cardinals and laughing all the way home with his haul of a Neil Lomax bobble-spine doll and the exclusive Hallmark Channel rights to “Naked Came the Douchecanoe: The Jake Plummer Story.”

The Cavalier is the Official Car of the “Smoking Pregnant Mom Waiting for Her Other Kids to Get Off the School Bus”

This is a Science Fact. New Orleans is a better destination 10 times out of 10.

Just imagine how good he’s going to feel when he finally takes that human-skin suit off and lets his dorsal venom sac breathe.

Where did he go? Well, it is traditional for command to start your engines be given by the state’s Governor.

Wikipedia’s draft recaps are very easy to read, so I can go page-to-page to see how the Eagles took Mike Mamula over Warren Sapp, OT Jemaine Mayberry one pick before Ray Lewis, and I can have another tab open to see how 2011 #1 pick Danny Watkins is rookie of the year...for Texas’ Frisco Fire Department

I have a vehicle with a roughly equal-sized engine.