Total embarrassment. No excuse for it at all. I say this as someone whose first Eagles season tickets were in the 700-level end zone.

All I know is I fully trust my freedom and the sanctity of my butthole to any company that seasonally employs drifters to dress up in a Dollar Tree-rejected Statue of Liberty costume and wave at traffic exiting the expressway.

My Dad had a 1972 International pickup (in mindbendingly awful 70's light green metallic) and it was essentially indestructible. It got hideous mileage, was geared to top about at about 54 mph on the highway, but nothing short of a quicksand-laden tank trap could stop it.

About ten years ago the dealership in Harrisburg, PA had a bright yellow one with a $35,000 price tag. If only...if only.

Maybe he’s the equivalent of a Chevy Cobalt with a Type-R badge from ebay?

I abandoned TWD this half-season, but still read the recaps in case I ever want to start watching again.

Don’t anthropomorphize your car if you ever plan on selling it.

I’m really hoping the move to Olympic Stadium will generate enough revenue for the Hammers to keep this guy

Chip was like owning a boat. I don’t know if I was happier the day the Eagles got him or the day the Eagles shitcanned him.

Mrs. Coffee Nerves and I have one, but she’s just so down to earth she thinks the pool boy is a celebrity. Boy, is she naive!

If they had chosen Philadelphia there’s a better-than-even chance I’d be in this

All that work and they couldn’t scrounge up a set of good ol’ 70s square headlights.

And when we’re done let’s teach a Labrador Retriever how to do a box shuffle, or maybe show a clownfish how to fly an F-35.

What makes it all the worse is he delivered a pretty good pass after that, only to have it continue to spiral into shittasticness

It’s like a throwback to the original “Ultimate Fighting” where there were no weight classes, sanctioning or sanity.

Soon to be immortalized in every “We tried to fit all the candles on your cake” birthday meme video known to internetkind

Once he spot-welds an aluminum picnic table/spoiler to the trunk lid and slaps a few dozen NOS stickers on there, he’ll really have something!!

When you lose 66 of 67 counties in your home state that’s like finding out your parents not only didn’t vote for you, but they invited the local paper to take a picture of them spraypainting “EATS COCK” on your billboard.

Catchers are not only bitter from all the squatting, they have - from all the squatting - hamstrings and calves like a furious Scandinavian tossing a refrigerator on “Wide World of Sports” and can use them to deliver titanic, tooth-removing uppercuts.

Having traveled to FedEx to see the Eagles play the Foreskins a half-dozen times or so I can assure you that nobody in the parking lots — myself included — looks remotely like the people in that artist rendition.