What makes it all the worse is he delivered a pretty good pass after that, only to have it continue to spiral into shittasticness

It’s like a throwback to the original “Ultimate Fighting” where there were no weight classes, sanctioning or sanity.

Once he spot-welds an aluminum picnic table/spoiler to the trunk lid and slaps a few dozen NOS stickers on there, he’ll really have something!!

When you lose 66 of 67 counties in your home state that’s like finding out your parents not only didn’t vote for you, but they invited the local paper to take a picture of them spraypainting “EATS COCK” on your billboard.

Catchers are not only bitter from all the squatting, they have - from all the squatting - hamstrings and calves like a furious Scandinavian tossing a refrigerator on “Wide World of Sports” and can use them to deliver titanic, tooth-removing uppercuts.

Having traveled to FedEx to see the Eagles play the Foreskins a half-dozen times or so I can assure you that nobody in the parking lots — myself included — looks remotely like the people in that artist rendition.

Having rented minivans to take the family on multiple vacations and being astonished at the amount of cargo they can inhale, how easy they are to drive and the mileage they get, I look forward to getting rid of my Ford Edge this summer and getting a minivan.

With the way ratings and attendance has been tumbling, France is due to make many more bad decisions in the near future.

I’m sure the owners of the Red Wings and Blue Jackets visited both of these guys today to personally thank them for defending the honor of their respective teams.

Gary Bettman has never left the payroll of the NBA, and he’s been worth every penny they’ve paid him.

And Season Ticket invoices are due in just one week!

I will fight for you, Papa John!!

Just think of all those Dr. Ben Carson books his campaign can buy now.

“I said put on the fahckin’ yellow cape, Damo...I mean Robin!”

He brought all the enthusiasm to his campaign as a sullen 15-year-old sloppily mowing the grass because it came up when he spun the chore wheel...which is most likely how the campaign started in Barbara’s kitchen.

Gary Bettman has never left the payroll of the NBA and has done Stern and Silver’s bidding brilliantly.

If you’re taking requests, may I please suggest the grain-alcohol-and-malaria fever dream that is “Lazy Town?”

A co-worker of mine is Brazilian. When I asked him if he was going to attend the games he laughed long and loud.

I’d want to break Connie Mack’s lifetime managerial losses record of 3,948. If you did ‘em all at once that’s more than 24 seasons without winning a single game.

Darling Fascist Bully Boy,