I’m not sure if this is a hot take or what, but I don’t give a shit about my health or whatever. Fuck exercise, fuck eating right, fuck brain shit (although I do read a lot, but not to keep the old thinking mass agile). Both my grandmothers are still living in their late 90s and their life sucks shit. One is in the…

Conor’s gonna tell Dana it was all fake and that he wanted to hype people up because he wants to take on the winner of Holloway/Kabib. Dana will be happy to get him back in the ring and the police will give him a slap on the wrist. Conor and the UFC will make millions in the next fight because of this.

I’d weigh in, but I specialized in bird law, not maritime law.

“You gonna fu*k that thing or what?” - Jim McElwain

One of my fondest memories is my father chanting “40 bucks... everything here costs 40 bucks...” multiple times when we went to the Grand Canyon, because any activity there outside just looking at the Grand Canyon apparently costs 40 bucks per person back in 1994.

Top 20 for sure, but homemade are better. Trust me, I’m a brownie addict. My mom leaves an extra tray of brownies for me hidden in the laundry room when they host parties, so I can hide in the basement and eat them undisturbed. So, I know what I’m talking about here.

Hi Dennis. I drink mostly in New Orleans and very few bars here return the card when you open a tab. (I’m not talking French Quarter either - my regular spots are Pal’s and Circle Bar and Holy Ground)

Some bars that I go to have a couple pitchers of water at the end of the bar with a stack of plastic cups which is awesome. Other bars don’t so I feel bad when I have to wait my turn, the bartender gets to me, and all I want is a water. I tip a buck on the water, though, because if I need it then I really appreciate…

Josh “Mild Sauce” McCown

Hopefully I will still be able to get hot photos of bikini clad models mailed directly to my orthodontist’s waiting room.

Nope. Not the same as stocks.

This ends with Nick Saban doing the next 9/11

I have never sent a shirtless photo to a woman I did not want to have sex with because that would be weird and creepy and absolutely signal that I wanted to have sex with them.

Aw man, it’s so beautiful, when a man, and a woman, bring a little bundle of joy into the world and then he disavows paternity but also sets up an irrevocable trust on behalf of the baby, who will never want for anything in this mortal world but a simple sign of love from the patrician-but-tacky old man who brings a…

If teams like New Orleans and Milwaukee weren’t allowed to be good or have star players, then why would they exist?

uhhh and if davis wasn’t on the pelicans they would also be a lottery team...

Two’s company, three’s a crowd

Let’s all pour one out for Larry.

as she hits the word “free” you can see the national anthem go back and to the left

These shitting in the wrong place stories...man, I’ve been getting stupid drunk my entire life and I have never shit on a nightstand. Am I doing something wrong?