A Shane Black movie where Riggs & Murtaugh have flying robot suits and are played by Robert Downey Jr. and Don Cheadle? What kind of asshole wouldn’t be excited about that?

Is it just me or is every conservative blowhard in the world engaged in a perpetual neck-and-neck race for the title of World’s Grossest Mouth? 

I see the similarities, but I like Poe. He was able to get into the heads of his characters in a way that makes their grandiloquence feel grounded. It’s not my favorite style (I’m more of a hard-boiled guy, as you might guess from my avatar) but it does its job: it draws me into the material. Lovecraft’s stilted…

Why can’t poor people just buy more money?

Sort of off topic, but I truly don’t get what anyone sees in Lovecraft anymore. I’m not even talking about his Olympic-level racism. He had influential ideas, no doubt, but his prose is some of the most unreadable I’ve ever encountered. Is his hilariously stilted, just-bought-a-thesaurus-so-that-means-I’m-smart…

Can you fly, Robert?

“And do I get any credit for all the underage girls I DIDN’T pee on? NO. It’s like, why do I even bother?”

Clearly, the man who agreed to be in Furry Vengeance is an authority on quality screenwriting.

Wow, those are some really lifelike Team America puppets.

To paraphrase my namesake: “Kelly makes sounds like he’s a mean little asskicker. Only Gayle ain’t convinced.”

“It’s not supposed to be able to melt steel beams! I was as shocked as anyone when those buildings came down!”

“I have a harem, what you call it—a cult. I don’t even really know what a cult is. You have to remember, I am functionally illiterate.”

What is he, jealous? You were his beard, Corey. Accept it.

Colin tried to calm the kids down himself, but unfortunately, his customary greeting only riled them up more.

What is that, measles? Rub some liberty on it and get back to work, ya fuckin’ crybaby.

Does he look like he ever refused a meal in his life?

This guy was wrestling when I was the right age at the right time to be into wrestling, so I have a soft spot for him. Remember those big rubber WWF action figures they had in the 80s? The King Kong Bundy one weighed like six pounds. Swing it around by the leg and you could give your little brother a concussion with…

She later burned the hand down to the stump using a blowtorch, claiming, “It was the only way to be sure.”

How can racism exist when I get sexually harassed by white dudes, like, constantly?