“She’s got legs! And she knows how to eat them!”

“Technically, I’m more of a patsy. I tried to get upgraded to spy status but I failed the written, for obvious reasons.”

This guy bakes.

Never forget that, in addition to being total scum, the man is also deeply, deeply stupid.

That comparison is reductive and insulting.

Oh, I agree with that. The important lesson, though, is not “Success sucks, so being poor is better somehow” but “Success will not solve whatever issues you had before you were successful.”

We never saw a corpse, so it could happen.

I loved that the whole movie I’m like “Why is everyone using flip phones?” but then by the end it makes perfect sense.

The opening multi-car pile-up is definitely the highlight of the series. I don’t think anyone who saw it doesn’t think of it whenever driving behind a flatbed hauling anything vaguely cylindrical.

I thought I was the only one who liked Saw 6 the best. It’s the only one that says fuck it and ditches most of the tortured plotting and moralizing and just sets out to be the straight-up gore geekshow that the original was accused of being.

It’s more reliable than most horror franchises because it has a concept that’s impossible to fuck up too bad and not that hard to get mostly right. I’ve been waiting for it to come back for years.

That idea gets tossed around a lot, and I’m sure there’s something to it, but it’s not like failure is any great shakes either.

Also, isn’t this remarkably similar to that tired old Magical Negro trope?

“What these snowflakes need to understand is, there used to be problems in the world, but then I GOT MINE and now everybody needs to shut the fuck up.”

The reverse of that is how often I use “Be careful out there among them English” from Witness when saying goodbye.

Here’s the new humdinger he’s working on: What if the world of some kind of inanimate object or abstract concept was actually JUST LIKE the life of the kind of boring middle-american jerkoffs who are watching the movie? Wouldn’t that be amazing?

“Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘Afghanistan’ as...”

AVENGE MEEEEEE!!!!!!

“There will also be a graphic novel tie-in. Every page will give you a tiny paper cut. That is my promise to you, the fans.”

The 90s weren’t the Middle Ages, man. Everyone who wasn’t a disgusting piece of shit was fully aware that grown-ass men weren’t supposed to rape little girls. That’s not some new shit.