None of this surprises me. This is the country that, because of some hysterical national outcry about dumb kids cracking each other in the head or something, once banned any and all all footage of nunchucks from cinema and TV, leading to, among other atrocities, an utterly butchered version of Enter the Dragon. You…

Back in the GoldenEye days, use of the Corporate Video Games Cannon was generally considered cheating.

Demolition Man is great, not least because its PC dystopia now seems like a fucking paradise. There’s inaccurate prognostications of the future and then there’s “Our society will soon become dangerously civil and well-intentioned.”

Sometimes I think all of my weirdness detectors have been fried by a lifetime of B-movie abuse, so this particular film where a French Richie Rich with a Commodore 64 supercomputer defends his grandpa from a murderous Santa Claus while dressed like Rambo seemed fairly normal to me. Which I guess says more about me…

I know it’s not the point of his argument, but I do think there’s already enough baggage involved in getting into jazz that makes it feel like homework. Here’s this big, mainstream movie that made jazz feel cooler and more dangerous than it had in decades and jazz aficionados are still like “Actually, that’s the wrong…

Ah, yes. The companion piece to his series on improper law enforcement procedure as depicted in the Police Academy films.

An amateur historian, he also noted that Abraham Lincoln’s vampire-hunting prowess may, in fact, be hearsay.

“Your favorite musician is incorrect. Please choose again from the following pre-approved list.”

Does this happen to anybody else? You hear about a new project that sounds interesting as a movie but lose all interest when you find out it’s just another goddamn TV show. I’m reading along, thinking Sick Note’s premise should make a fun little black comedy. Then I find out it’s already at two seasons and counting.…

The other day they shit on her for having too much money. Now it’s for not having enough. These motherfuckers are terrified.

It’s not as crazy as it sounds but it’s not bad.

You know, I’m starting to think this guy is pretty in love with the sound of his own voice.

The website that has written like a hundred thousand words about the gritty reboot of Sabrina the Fucking Teenage Witch has no right to mock this. None.

You could say that about practically every aspect of the film.

That’s interesting. I think they botched this message by making Holdo such an obviously inept leader, but I thought the film was intended as a reversal of the standard “maverick hotshot follows his own rules and saves the day” trope. He’s your basic handsome leading man type, so we assume he’s in the right, even…

I agree that Holdo was a terrible supervisor who completely fucked herself with her smug, tight-lipped leadership style. Just a terribly written character in every way. But Poe is way, way worse. Holdo’s escape plan would have worked (largely because the film’s depiction of spaceship battle technique is pretty…

You’re...you’re joking, right? Every single action he took cost innocent lives. He got so many of his allies killed, you could fit the entire Rebellion in a Subaru hatchback by the end of the movie.

Well, boys and girls, I guess it’s time to retire the word “iconic.” It clearly has no meaning anymore.

“How can I correct a server who mispronounces a dish? Also why am I cursed to walk this earth without ever knowing the touch of a lover?”

The odds of me ever seeing this movie are slim, but I am filled with joy by the idea of the guy who made Woody Harrelson drink a bucket of bull jizz becoming an Academy Award-winning director.