This comment is not getting enough love.

That is one problematic double feature.

Sigh. Did you Millenials learn nothing from watching the torment Gen X went through when it gave in to the pandering and let all its childhood favorites get remade? Do you really want to start the cycle all over again?

On the cusp of its fifth decade, the “Comic books aren’t just for kids anymore!” campaign enters its “You can tell this is prestigious because it has a dick in it” phase.

I recently learned that “depp” means “douchebag” in German.

It reminds me of letters the magazine I worked for would get from prisoners who’d clearly borrowed a thesaurus off the library cart this morning. And good for them for trying to improve their vocabulary. This is a famous movie star who got a book deal handed to him even though his prose sounds like a random handful of…

“Largely shouldered by a receptacle of salaciousness” is another example of those machine-tooled prose stylings the author of Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff is known for.

I don’t know, I think the eleven87 crew’s approach comes pretty close to replicating what you’re talking about. They’re all about rehearsal and trust, and I think the results speak for themselves. Mostly I think it’s about time. Your money goes a lot further in Asia, and that equals more shooting days. Action this…

Those fight scenes are fucking phenomenal. True works of art. Hollywood is still trying to catch up with what Evans and his team accomplished. But yeah, it takes waaaaay too much time luxuriating in what is actually an extremely generic story with no real twists to the format. It’s all beautifully shot but it really…

This motherfucker is a maestro with a moving camera but this looks like it leans into the self-consciously portentous painterliness that marred the second Raid and moves further away from the unapologetic efficiency of the first one. I’ll still watch it as soon as I can but I’m kind of expecting more of the “nothing…

I’m sure Norm is super psyched that he finally got permission from the AV Club to continue to exist.

I never understood why anybody was that excited about this in the first place. I mean, I’ll see it. It’s a slasher movie. It’s not rocket science. But this shit is nothing new. Every second or third Halloween sequel since the start of the franchise has been a back-to-basics reboot that attempts to wipe the slate…

And of course liberal Hollywood will leave out the part where the town was overrun by bears once a month while she was in office.

Me? A narc? That’s insane! How could you even think that, fellow anti-fascist thug?

I must have missed that one. I go out of town a lot for work. The life of a crisis actor is a nomadic one.

And is there any paperwork I need to fill out before I start forcing straight people to get gay-married? 

I assumed that as well, but is a little interdepartmental communication too much to ask for?

A little greasy for my taste but fuck it, it’s a special occasion.

Is anybody bringing any meat options or do you think the flesh of all true American patriots will suffice?

I have questions about where I should park to catch the shuttle bus to the insurrection but none of our liberal overlords will email me back. I know typing is hard because of their little lizard fingers but jeez.