I’ve described the gist of the Unified Burt Mustache Theory. No Mustache Burt = Mean-Ass Motherfucker; Mustache Burt = Just A Charming Rascal. The rest is mostly examples, some of them contradictory. For example. W.W. and the Dixie Dance-Kings couldn’t be more of a Mustache Movie if it tried, yet it stars No Mustache…

I think the mustache ended up being a double-edged sword. It gave him an instantly identifiable trademark, but it also turned him into kind of a cartoon. Without it, you notice what a mean-looking motherfucker he was. He was big, with massive shoulders, and his eyebrows alone could strike fear. The tone of his movies…

The bulk of the series. Not exactly a lightweight.

You have clearly never seen a picture of Dario Argento.

I recognize that I am not helping the problem. But I don’t come to the AV Club to change the world. I come here to rant about it.

Good god why won’t this movie go away? Love it, hate it, who gives a shit? STOP. FUCKING. TALKING ABOUT IT.

The AV Club

It turned out the unstoppable blood-crazed werewolf was us all along.

You could start most seasons of their dramatic shows at Episode 6 and lose absolutely nothing of value.

You only see him as an unstoppable blood-crazed werewolf because you have an irrational phobia of unstoppable blood-crazed werewolves.

Their self-titled album is even better. 

Hardcore doesn’t even cover it. They used a picture of the group in the hospital after Bushwick shot his eye out to prove a point to his girlfriend. Until Eminem pulls some shit like that he’s still a poseur.

This bums me out. The Trigger-Happy Motherfuckin’ Geto Boys were the sound of my adolescent rebellion, and I still rock their classic albums to this day. A lot of their staying power comes from the weirdness of Ready Red’s sound collages. It gave their sound a wit and humor that made their nihilism more palatable and…

Of course. But the odds of Netflix having any particular movie available to stream are infinitesimal. If you have something specific in mind and don’t want to just shrug and watch whatever happens to be streaming on any given month, then you need the disc plan.

I guess it was only a matter of time before Joan Callamezzo got into politics.

Be brave! Think of the queue as your Dreamatorium, where anything is possible, including getting around to all those early 2000s indie horror movies you were so excited about for like five minutes.

It wasn’t even the best film with Black Panther in it of 2018.

I have stuff in my queue that’s been there since the day I signed up in 2004. I can’t remove them or watch them now. It would be like losing an old friend.

Some of us like to watch the actual movie we have set out to watch and not whatever garbage an algorithm has decided to float in front of our faces at any given moment. What losers we are.

That’s the point of the movie. It’s not some secret flaw only you can see.