The most underrated band of the ‘90s was Poop Towel.

Mötley Crüe is another band that sounds just as good as the album when they’re in concert, though that’s for an entirely different reason.

Lem Barney is in the hall of fame.

Robert Smith did end up having a successful career in medicine, but he never found the Cure. 

If you need drugs before the concert to “properly” enjoy the show, that’s a pretty good sign that the band in question sucks ass.  

“This has never happened to me before!”

Under getting hit by a bus made of javelins.

If I lay on the couch with the dog for two hours in the morning, I’d be covered in piss and probably feces by the time I got up.

It’s Patty. PATTY.

First they came for the idiots without valid opinions, and I did not speak out.

You weren’t wearing pants and the neighbor said “your dog is loose”?

Mike Schur is Tremendous.

I think we’re gonna need a bigger belt.

You think we’re tracking Alex Len in warmups but we’re really tracking gentrification.

I read the Drew’s today, oh boy
About a plucky man who named the rain
Another dude was rather fat
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw Chris Farley’s ass

A brew is noted for its can
It doesn’t matter if the Lite has changed
A row of people stood at Camden
Now, let me be clear
Nobody is really sure if lemons have two seeds or more

—Th…

A horse is a horse in court in court

That looks like Andre the Giant with a botched tracheotomy.

6/2 x (1+2) = 9 (what the problem says)

YES I WANT BREAD!

Capital One giving out free coffee and snacks is amateur hour. My dry cleaner gives out free hot dogs on the weekend so I grabbed one, got in my car, took a bite and it immediately shat mustard all over my thighs and shorts.  Now THAT is playing the long game bitches.