You think we’re tracking Alex Len in warmups but we’re really tracking gentrification.

I read the Drew’s today, oh boy
About a plucky man who named the rain
Another dude was rather fat
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw Chris Farley’s ass

A brew is noted for its can
It doesn’t matter if the Lite has changed
A row of people stood at Camden
Now, let me be clear
Nobody is really sure if lemons have two seeds or more

—Th…

A horse is a horse in court in court

That looks like Andre the Giant with a botched tracheotomy.

6/2 x (1+2) = 9 (what the problem says)

YES I WANT BREAD!

Capital One giving out free coffee and snacks is amateur hour. My dry cleaner gives out free hot dogs on the weekend so I grabbed one, got in my car, took a bite and it immediately shat mustard all over my thighs and shorts.  Now THAT is playing the long game bitches. 

Yes, and never shall we lament what can be replaced.  That’s what mom said about dad, anyway.

They both said that in December 1980, too.

 And then.... SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!

I have great difficulty understanding how pathetic one must be to go to a football stadium to watch the NFL Draft. This is the equivalent of people in the ‘90s camping out in front of their local Tower Records to be the first to buy the new album by, like, Everclear.

• Could be worse, Robert. A friend of mine moved to Orange County, CA from Chicago a few years ago. He flies back here twice a year, stays for 7 days, has pizza AT LEAST 6 times. At different places each night, too! Dude loves his pizza (his diet is atrocious) and he says everything he gets out in Cali sucks ass.

He also just won a big golf tournament.

Anyhow, we’re both really looking forward to our wedding night.

If the officials heard it and the team won’t offer up the offender, suspend the whole team from play. 

Every day in every way he’s getting a little worse.

Nobody murdered anyone related to Destiny’s Child yet here we are with an anthem for female enpowerment, as we damn should.

He was getting all those F’s to make sure he was Extra White.

Messki

Even for Dump and his cadre of Keystone Kop ghouls, this was sloppy. You nominate somebody who is holding a job she already can’t do purely because she’s a blonde FOX mouthpiece, and then never actually do anything to get her into the post? Did he literally pull her name out of the “Girls I’d Like To Pork” hat when…