Then I let my guard down, go to open a bottle of Coke Zero, and get treated to an aspartame volcano.

I thought one became a man at 40?

I wouldn’t know, I don’t have any.

“Man, it had some teeth not that long ago.”

Agreed. Mo Salah, too.

You literally quoted the question, then failed to read it. I seriously doubt your ability to follow street signs.

“He .... has been wearing a soft cast.”

“Well, hey there, Thonny. We heard about you Hodgkin’th lymphoma and I juth wanted to thop by tell you that canther thuckth and that we’re all rootin’ for you, Thlugger.” 

It’s as if Daft Punk fucked the Village People

I was thinking Mike Barnicle, but that’s going in the way-back bullshit machine.

May this movement catch fire like a mighty river.

“Dobb Knobbin’” made me LOL at my desk

HOLY SHIT LOOKIT HIS EARS! Is he the progenitor of all Ferengi? Does he use a pipe cleaner to clean those?

I had to read the three time to understand that this was not about Etsy.com...

Rev. Dongo Pewee is a triple threat. He’s a Reverend, a Dongo, and a Pewee.

He looked on, knowing full well that a long night of flagellation lay ahead.

Maybe it has stuff about cars in it.

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in…

Man, Hasbro having its own crowdfunding site for Star Wars toys really doesn’t get what people crowdfund for, and it initially seems borderline offensive, especially because the only reason they CAN do this is that they’re the only toy company Disney will allow to do it. I mean, when you’re a publicly traded company,…

“Thanks a lot, Captain Obelisk.”