If I saw that goddamned bear looking through my door I’d be making brownies too.

I have it on good authority that the Celtics were the team that asked him that question. I’m just hoping he gave them an answer without bias.

No, no, not /every/ part....

How do games keep getting released with all these bugs? Does nobody have a QA department any more?

Caps would’ve won if not for all the Penguin’s ILLEGAL GOALS. So many bad goals allowed by terrible (or sick) reffs! VERY UNFAIR !

...not even your good buddy, Weiser?

when i drink alone, i prefer to be by myself.

Considering the Mets’ depleted-ass lineup, ‘anonymous players’ may literally be true, i.e. who the fuck is this guy in a Mets uniform talking to me?

Finally, somebody said it. Nobody cares about your struggles. Maybe don’t live in the antarctic.

Be still Taggart. My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

You know what will be an uncomfortable conversation? When you’re in bed one night, Alexa hears you and starts playing the music, and you have to say “No, no. No music necessary Alexa. It’s just me tonight.”

there used to be an organization, but the acronym N.G.G.A. made everyone wicked uncomfortable

WRECK OF THE EDMUND FITZGERALD BABY!

You underestimate the signifcance of white sheets to the right.

we call this the acceptance phase

I disagree. We should expect if you trigger a flinch reaction in a police officer you’re gonna get shot. If you trigger a flinch reaction in anybody else you should get at worse a broken nose. So, I’m sorry, I disagree that we should hold cops to a higher standard, we should hold them to a lower standard. We…

“What’s the best way to deal with paternity?

hey girl, whats ursine?

I saw Garciaparra hole or two, and immediately thought, there’d be Nomar of those. And sure enough, an eagle. I felt like such a Hamm.