Speaking of Jackie Robinson, when are people going to wake up and realize that he just wasn’t that great. I mean, when he started his major league career, he didn’t have to play against any other minorities and even later in his career he was still playing almost exclusively against white people. If people use that…

I know I’ve told this story before, but, when my son was three, we were at the zoo and he made that face that little boys make (it’s always little boys) when they desperately need to poop but really don’t want to stop what they’re doing.

Or you could just get divorced and wait for your kids to grow up and leave the house. Now every day (and night) is basically those two hours stretched out for eternity.

I would vote for Harambe the Dead Gorilla if he was the Democratic nominee running against Trump in 2020. Regardless of what Maddow or Winfrey say.

Of course I knew it was Patty. But you’re still getting a star for the gif.

Ok, so halfway through your sentence I was like “I know she was supposed to be Doug’s crush, but it’s not like she was close to hot”

And then I realized you were talking about a different show.

Were your kids fans of the Paddington Bear books?

Because that’s the only possible reason I can think of anyone thinking that marmalade sounds like a good thing.

I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this place, but Gus’s World Famous Fried Chicken in Memphis was amazing. If I worked in downtown Memphis, I would be even fatter than I am now.

I loved how the bear who shilled Super Sugar Crisp basically sounded like he was stoned out of his gourd.

The garlic press that I received as a present came with a hollow foam-roller-type-thing. You put the clove(s) in the middle, roll it back and forth for about five seconds (while putting pressure on the clove through the roller) and all of the skin comes off inside the roller. Shake it out over the garbage can and it’s…

I use a half teaspoon per clove. Works well for me.

Yeah, a schlub (shlub? shlubb?) like me trying to flirt is unlikely to work with just about anybody and will come off as either creepy, pathetic, or (more likely) a combination of the two.

I, too, wish to make a settle.

You Ken say that again!

The way I think of it is that they are, collectively (as well as individually), “the worst”. Since he is one of them, he is, by the transitive property*, “one of the worst”.

Every once in a while I’ll see the Steve Jobs quote on LinkedIn. You know the one:

To clarify, the restaurant was not eating $10. Unless you think that they sell their desserts for cost.

I hope they remembered to include the price of the comped desserts when calculating the tip.

Whether it’s Cecil or Prince, I don’t want to see their diarrhea, bloody discharge, OR projectile vomiting, thank you very much.

If anyone says “I don’t mean to be rude, but....”, you know the next thing that comes out of their mouth is going to be rude.