You totally missed the opportunity to say “the mayor hit the ceiling, which is also the roof.”

The ceiling is the ruff.

I beg to differ. People successful might frequently be lazy, but lazy people are very infrequently successful:

Just goes to show, juicing leads to becoming addicted to quack.

Me and my fresh, squeezed orange juice have elected to ignore this heresy.

Mine is full of copper & blood. Toxic! ☠️🔥

You could say that in terms of difficulty, they’re low hanging fruit.

Well, in my case masturbation is more like a hate fuck...

Stick to sprouts.

“Also—and I’m just saying—Thinx don’t work for shit.”

so, a president doesnt need a dick, they just need to be dick.

It’s pretty bad when I’d rather have Gaius Baltar than the Laura Roslyn we’ve got right now.

“and he’s only a sophomore so I don’t care”

Is this the movie poster for Rocky IV Loko?

Hate the Patriots all your want, but Gronk is a goddamned national treasure. He and JR Smith need to do a shirtless championship tour.

This is a very bad flow chart.

So the level to this is called ‘Chapter 13'.

This column about the firing of doofus NBA coach David Blatt is so intense—it calls things fascist a dozen times

Man, why is Deadspin covering bullshit like this. What about sports? Why can’t we have a “Best QB’s of the 80's” post? Like remember Warren Moon?

I was not expecting the Spanish Inquisition.