I’m a feminist who is constantly talking about the patriarchy and sexist ideas of acceptable femininity. . . but this would piss me right off.

Apparently girls are supposed to go into the boy’s bathroom (which I assume hasn’t been papered over because, boys & patriarchy) to deal with lost contact lenses and floss that piece of caramel corn from their molars?

And of course they did the boys bathrooms, too. Right? I mean.....right?

one time a pizza guy (rushed out the door by his manager) forgot one of my pizzas. He felt so bad that he offered to bring us free stuff ("I'm gonna bring you guys so much free shit!) and we weren't mad because we aren't crazy and we had our first pizza to ride us over. When he came back he brought a free pizza in…

I'm a little upset this post was up for so long without one reference to this.

Yeah, and they're all like "let's get him fired!" like screwing with some schmuck's livelihood over five bucks is so cool and clever. Fucking lowlife slabs of shit.

I looked at a car there last month and regretted it. Super bro-y. The salesman kept disappearing, leaving me waiting at the desk for at least five minutes at a time, even when I just asked for a business card. He and his manager tried every trick in the book to keep from giving me a price. I eventually gave them a…

How can you hate on delivery drivers? They bring HOT DELICIOUS FOOD TO YOUR DOOR you lazy fuck.

Yet my online business http://shipyourenemiesspiders.com/ languishes.

Oh, come on. Any trained assassin worth her salt isn't going to get blood all over her ballgown. I mean, does he think she's an amateur or something? JEEZ.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the League of Assassins, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the Arrow's not-very-secret hideout, and I have over 300 confirmed kills (of mooks like you, not the Arrow). I am trained in…

Right. She literally could have been trained to kill and that doesn't mean he isn't guilty of domestic violence because of her training. If that were the case, then no woman in the military (depending on job duty/classification) could ever file DV charges against her civilian, non-trained spouse.

I mean, even if she was a paid assassin, she wouldn't be immune from domestic violence (unless he was willing to kill him, but I'm assuming even paid assassins have some internal limits). So one does not preclude the other. I mean, I don' actually believe she is, but even if she was, so what? He should still get…

Yes because covert assassins so often decide to disregard their assassin status to take people to court.

Blonde - check

You made me watch it way too many times, but if you follow her left hand, she grabs the braid and pulls it over her shoulder. It does look like it went through the arm though.

So when I check into the hospital to deliver (any freaking day now), I'll just hand my phone with this app to the doctors and be like, "Yo, this is my birth plan. That baby'd better glow and I'd better be smiling." Right?

I had this toy! I honestly have no idea what my mom was thinking when she bought it, and I bring it up whenever she moans about me not wanting children. Like, sorry mom, but I know how that shit works and I don't have space to keep my giant removable convex belly panel in my house for the rest of my life.

I can't wait for the sequel, in which you have to give Kristof a vasectomy. (The freeze-wand would actually be pretty useful there.)