Well, yeah, duh, because girls > boys. I’d drop “boys”, too, if I were stuck being one.

You still smell funny.

That hand signal just screams of someone who was used to putting her little fingers up in the air to recite the Girl Scout Promise. Live by the Girl Scout Law, little girl, live by the Girl Scout Law.

Girl Guides/Scouts, always a few steps ahead of the boy equivalency.

I don’t know. What does the rest of my calendar look like?

I refereed some tiny toy wrestling tournaments and they were all so effing cute. There were always a few who were super good. Which was cute. And a few who couldn’t figure out what was going on. Super cute. And a few who were just terrible. So cute!

Oh, hell, they’ll be able to use it as their star exhibition in “Why Earthlings Were Dumb and Didn’t Survive” exhibit. We at least owe them that.

Hahaha, into bought that when I read it. Then paused. Then realized that I know what she is talking about. Then shrugged.

No, wrap your fingers around the phone instead of holding it gingerly with your fingertips.

Or sent up on the SpaceX flight next year to be deposited on the moon. Let them be some Martian’s problem to dispose of.

Meh, those sofas are all going to have to be burned out back when the next president moves in anyhow, too many stains from spray tanner and fast good already anyhow.

I meant in the business. I’m not saying stepping out on your wife is an a-okay thing, but people do have very complicated relationships and even the most vanilla seeming people can surprise you sometimes when you learn the details of their private lives, so I try not to judge on that unless there’s proof that someone…

That is weird.

Without knowing what their relationship is like, for me, no not really.

It’s nice that he didn’t give a fake smile, but it really would be nicer if people of Denzel’s stature and having his kind of cachet would just say something. Don’t make it always have to be the women who do. Or like, what’s that guy from Orange is the New Black? The real “woke” one?

Gillian Anderson, you’re British, and I know that means your Queen is the blah blah blah blah of the Canadalands, but STOP PRETENDING TO BE CANADIAN! I looked it up on the IMDBs.

Maybe he was born along the border and we can just shift those right quick and VOILA! He was born on American soil.

UGH. Okay, I believe that the NAFTA has provisions for this. [checks handbook] Yes, it does. We will be sending Pamela Anderson and Jim Carrey back and keeping Keifer. It was signed into legislation years ago.

I’d take Keifer Sutherland and all of his drinking problems (hey, old W had ‘em too!) and his only qualification being that he played a president on TV in a heartbeat. A HEARTBEAT.

And then if one turns out not quite as beautiful, he’ll ship her out to California to live with...you know...the other daughter.