President Obama remains a bottomless well of wisdom. Every time he speaks he proves yet again that he still has invaluable leadership and vision to offer America.

We won today. You’re not raining on my parade. For four years I’ve believed nothing is more important than removing Donald Trump. There are millions like me. We are going to smile and laugh and trade high fives and we may keep doing it for a long time.

I don’t understand this joyless curmudgeonry. Can’t we be happy just one day? The black people’s favorite Joe Biden defeated the racist Donald Trump and you’re putting the most negative spin on it, like it means nothing to you. It means a lot to me. I’ve had a big smile on my face all day and I’m not going to stop…

Dark times ahead, friend. It looks like a Biden victory today. At least under Trump we had a voice, but Democrats think we leftists ruined 2016 for them so they’ll do their best to shut us up when Biden takes over. Democrats have spent the last year planning their return to power, laying the groundwork for silencing…

God dammit it’s election day and Splinter is silent. This was Splinter’s day to shine. Splinter was the only media outlet where we leftist malcontents had a voice. I guess that’s why it had to be killed. A year later, we still have no place to go. The rest of the internet doesn’t want us anymore. We are outcasts,…

Why didn’t Democratic voters embrace Kamala’s presidential run? She flopped really badly. She didn’t even make it to Iowa. I know the reason. It’s because Democrats really want Michelle Obama to run for President in 2024 and they’re not willing to settle for a weak Michelle wannabe, which is what Kamala is. Kamala is…

Without black people we Democrats would have been saddled with an unelectable socialist to oppose Trump. We dodged a bullet there. The black people’s favorite Joe Biden was always the smart choice. My white friends and I realize that now. We’ve scraped the Bernie bumperstickers off our cars and are all in for Joe,…

Why are aliens the villains? Among Us is a good game but kids need to learn how to spot Russians pretending to be Americans, not aliens. We all saw what happened in 2016. Russian trolls stirred up lots of mischief because Americans were too trusting to spot them. I hope the sequel is about Russians. Russians are a big…

I call Kamala by her correct names of Fake Michelle and Michelle Wannabe.

Awful. This has Kamala written all over it. She’s still embarrassed by that gaffe about Tupac being alive, so now she feels she’s gotta up her street cred somehow. This shit is why we need Michelle in 2024. No one has to tell Michelle how to keep it real because Michelle is real. Kamala is just a fake Michelle…

Trump is only still alive because of the Hippocratic Oath, which might be the worst idea in human history.

Republicans are science deniers, so it’s no surprise they don’t understand how air works.  Maybe they don’t believe in air.

I don’t understand what those little panels in the picture are supposed to accomplish. They’re too small. Have you ever seen the sneeze guards on a salad bar? They’re too small too. They don’t work unless you sneeze directly onto the middle of one, otherwise sneeze droplets circulate around them. That’s why I always…

You got that right.

Black voters will turn out. Count on it. The black people’s favorite Joe Biden crushed the racist Bernie bros like insects, and Kamala is VP.

Michelle is awesome but she pisses me off sometimes with this “vote for Joe” stuff because she should’ve run herself. The presidency was hers for the taking in 2020. We didn’t have to settle for Joe Biden. In my opinion Michelle was selfish not to run. We all wanted her, and she would have been an amazing President…

Forgive me if I don’t a see a problem here. Trump is about to become an ex-president and ex-presidents are cash cows for the American taxpayer. They have massive earning potential and they pay LOTS of taxes. Look at how well Obama has done. He’s swimming in money. Rich people just throw money at him, practically…

Thank you, that’s very helpful.

How do you guys spot TomatoFace? Are there specific tells you look for?

Rick Snyder has a mixed legacy, but you Bernie Bros had Joe Rogan endorsing your candidate, so spare us your self-righteous blather.