Past giveaway winners include: your mom.

Folks, there’s a reason it ain’t called Snuggle Valley.

My opinion on the matter will only be finalized once I am assured it will not get me in any trouble. 

I know how he feels. I constantly post opinions like “Raisin Bran #1 cereal” when in actuality that is not my position.

If I see this one more time I’m gonna go loco. 

If this dead man votes for Trump that’s electoral fraud.

Bummer this is on Apple TV+, cause they can’t show the dongs going in.

Disappointed Nephew is the name of my glam metal band.

I could tell that interviewer was from the UK before he even opened his mouth. Perhaps it’s their collective bird-like-qualities.  

Сделайте так, как будто это сделали китайцы.

The 12-year-old was handcuffed but the 6-year-old girl was not...

Trump’s powers are rendered completely useless by a single follow-up question. A single “what do you mean” turns him into a deflated soccer ball.

You seem mad online.

If you don’t think you have the concentration to watch a tv show or movie at 1x speed just wait ‘till you find out about novels.

What if y’all pool some money together (like 1 billion dollars) and offer it to Trump to not run and step down. Does he say no?

I, personally, think this is funny. 

Literally Jade Helm happening and the only people who were worried about the Jade Helm farce are, what, on vacation? In a meeting?

It’s been done to death with silence from the NRA and “Defenders of Liberty/Tyranny-Fighting Cosplayers” but Alex Jones (who made 4 fucking documentaries called POLICE STATE) being pro-cop in this scenario is boot-lickingly hilarious. I don’t know how he’s able to stand under his own power.

All eyes are on the WNBA.

“...toxic political articles.” Bitch, unclutch your pearls.