I’ll give 10$ to someone who can describe (off the dome) a specific platform that Joe Biden has. 

I am not entertained. 

I’m really considering cutting off the water during this house fire. 

They also already tried this, and fiction was less interesting that fact.

Anyone else curious why this story needs to be retold and jazzed up with actors and comedians. The real people are what sells it. 

Nice to see Jeff Lowe plowing ahead with that embarrassing drip. 

Don’t microwave it the next day. Put it in a pan (cast-iron, pref) and cover the top in tinfoil. Throw that bich in the oven for like 20 minutes on 350 and it’ll taste like new. 

Pretty cool to have Stevie Wonder watching your livestream. Like, with his eyes that work. #stevewonderisnotblind

God’s plan. 

Seriously. They’ve forgotten they’re supposed to say the loud parts quiet. 

Stupid goddamn 11 year olds who drove themselves to the beach. WHEN WILL THE YOUTHS GET IT?

Perhaps naively, I think that even conservatives/republicans have to be coming around that you need an adult in that job; after seeing how Trump has (objectively) been incapable of doing the job when a job was most needed.

Labelling oneself “a conservative” will one day be met with the same disgust as people who refer to themselves as “cannibals”.

/whispers

Last week he drops an album called Donald Glover Presents and then deletes it. Suddenly, his website donaldgloverpresents.com has a countdown on it.

*psst* there will be no consequences

Unless her “karate instructor” has it, she’ll probably be fine. 

Although I man not agree with the Vice President on every issue, I know he has a good heart and he’s motivated by his love for our country and the American people.

That’s a weird rule!

Face like a goddamn catcher’s mitt on that broad.