Kobe would have poisoned Snell’s dog. 

My face when the sandwich artist is putting my cold cut together. 

This is like when Henry Hill was flummoxed that he had to drive to get the babysitter/drug mule’s lucky hat before she got on the flight.

While visiting Pittsburgh a few years ago for a bachelor party, two separate locals told me to “eat our ranch dressing” when I asked them what they would recommend we do in town.  

The boy’s all egg

Weird!

What about Gehrig Shilling, who spends his days calling other white kids the n-word on Fortnite?

The Jags made it to the AFC game a mere 2 years ago, yet in my mind they’ve never won more than 7 games in a season.

They also have fans who are identical to Jets fans, only they can afford slightly more potent alcohol and have a lower tolerance for it.

As a white man who has watched the entirety of The Wire more than once, I would like to share my thoughts.

Fine, whatever, impeach Bette Midler.

I am now convinced, due to all that Microsoft-ass Clip Art

You can die by choking on food, so no one should eat.

That’s correct. Go to the ones where it’s not happening. 

To our American friends; I would strongly suggest you consider moving. Outside your country (your bubble, for many), a lot of things have gone really great recently. And you’ve all seemed kinda...stuck for the last 20 years or so.

Jared Weiss probably struggled pretty hard to not use the term “reneger”

How much spit do you think Tucker Carlson consumes in a day?

knocking one man — Thanh Lam — unconscious with a five-foot-long wooden stick...

Please do not close the concentration camp; the gas man will have nowhere to sell his gas.

I also think it’s funny that John McCain is dead.