Athletes: they’re just like me, right now. 

He may be better, but while Valanciunas is good offensively he’s streaky, slow and plays bad defence. He’d probably put up better offensive numbers than Gasol, but Embiid would go 40 and 20 on him every game if he started over Ibaka. Also, Gasol has the ability to make plays passing the ball, which we need,…

Year over year, the consistent mix of new hopes followed by familiar, crushing defeats is doing nothing positive for my blood pressure.

It seems like there were essentially zero deus ex machinas when they were following the book material, then the show became rife with them. (Don’t want to complain too hard though; this show shreds major hole.)

John McCain’s plane crashed when he spilled too much country gravy on his cockpit pocket pussy. While trying to clean up the mess, he got his right gonad caught between the yoke and his safety harness, causing him to shit himself uncontrollably, due to the pain. His crying lead to his mask fogging up, and while he was…

On Friday, Tua posted a 18-minute video titled, “We Are Expecting... (Pt. 1/4)”

Y’all see Trevor Moore blow Chara up?

Doug Marrone’s pants are a single sous vide egg bite from exploding like the Death Star.

I will lay down my life for Alpha Omega Nickelberry IV’s

As soon as these chunky soup lookin’ ass mall-walkers show up on Zappos, I’m collecting ankles in my men’s league.

I’m calling in sick to work today. 

I would eat that. 

Moist at the thought of what Hue Jackson could have done with this squad. 

We are not all like this. I think....

Toronto occupies entirely too much space in the minds of people like you. I promise you that the real idea of “Toronto” or a “Torotonian” is not the one you made up in your head. GOOD DAY, SIR.

Please go get some fresh air, your mother and I are worried. 

Son, my sarcasm would only work if I DIDN’T lack the understanding that a double.....etc. You should read more. LIKE YOUR BROTHER.

I actually think the best hitters make the least hits.

Anytime you can lock up a .211 postseason hitter for under anwhere $400 million you’ve gotta pull the trigger.

“The Tug Rule”