I actually don’t know why the hell I didn’t run when I realized my ex-husband didn’t read. That is clearly now my kind of person.

10/10 would vote for Al Franken. ETA also my home state senator Bennett (who I did vote for but have not always been super impressed with) is impressing me today.

Do you know the words to Beethoven’s Ode to Joy? It’s just “schadenfreude” over and over. Try it, it totally works:

Its not real, its science fiction

I think the Ecuadorians would love to kill him, tbh.

Watch for him to argue that no pardon = no clemency.

It’s the new one: The Presidential Medal for Meddling

BEN CARSON!

The real question is, will Putin allow Assange to allow himself to be extradited?

Shoe game is fire! I SEE YOU IN THOSE RED LOAFERS, POPE.

Anyway, we know where this is going: Someone is going to have to lure Donald Trump out of Trump Tower with a six-foot portrait of himself and force him to be president.

please be true please be true please be true please be true please be true

umm... letting someone do it and consenting are not the same thing.

It’s now considered a point of positive credit that our incoming Attorney General will publicly admit that grabbing women’s genitals without permission is, in fact, sexual assault.

“I want to put macaque into that deer” -the monkey

My chihuahua used to hump my cat.

Anyone else immediately picture the Kardashian robbery ringleader as looking like this?

My gran had the loveliest dress shop. She ran away from an abusive stepfather at age 14 and began working retail. She married, but her husband was no prize, either. With 2 kids, she started a small shop - a stall, basically - selling baby clothes. Over her life, she built it up to a sweet business. She knew all of her…

Excuse me, her formal title is First Piece of Ass. Show some respect.

I hear the local beauty parlors are also very busy.