I’d like to punch their skulls and evacuate their brains into the nearest toxic waste container, seal it shut and send it into space.

That’s not the soup nazi. That’s the pakistani restaurant owner. I never correct anyone on the internet, because who cares. But SEINFELD!!!

LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!

Have fun in the pokey, Christie.

Alright, I don’t love monarchies, but I say we turn the First Lady position into one and let Michelle have it until she wants to hand it over to Sasha or Malia.

A tiny request from someone else who has been driven mad by the election: Would you all PLEASE stop using close-ups of Cheeto McFuckface on these stories? I’m agitated enough as it is without seeing every one of his orange pores.

According to human sack of crushed assholes Jill Stein, illegal abortions aren’t so bad. Which is why she’s all but endorsed Donald Trump.

Who picks these Double Creatures anyway? There are other creatures than just cats and dogs.

I just posted this on another article, but I’m gonna repeat it.

Trumplestiltskin

OMG. That’s what’s behind the hair. He’s growing it so he can let it down out of a window and someone can climb up it.

Just give him his stapler back already!

“What’s your name, man?”

If I clap really hard, will the Matt Lauer one come true? I do believe!!

• Christina Aguilera once “called a staffer from the other end of the house to get something like a towel that was mere feet away from her.”

Tom was their Rob.

And I looked and beheld a pale man, with skin like the belly of a slug. In his right hand he held a machete, and in his left hand he held the decapitated head of a cheetah from a game reserve in Africa. And lo, his name was Eric.

What are the chances you are in fact Jennifer Saunders commenting under your married name because that would be INCREDIBLE.

The crazy bagel guy isn’t trying to become president.