“But Marge, look at that hang-dog expression. He’s learned his lesson. Let’s get him a present!”

He’s going to be a beast? Who’s the team physician, Dr. Moreau?

“.. or any image at all, for that matter?”

For a guy who made billions off of bumpers hopefully this won’t jolt the organization too much

Example #1 of poor game management: too many interceptions of Brock Osweiler, causing him to be pulled from the game. You got greedy, son, one would have done the trick of keeping him in and insuring a victory.

2a. Is Jacksonville in actuality a city or a mutated, sprawling Hooverville, a 3000 square-mile collection of alternating ramshackle shantytowns and gator-infested dead zones?

Nobody escapes from a detour to... the SAVAGE LAND

We should pray we don’t make the playoffs, I’m fully rooting for Tennessee today.

Coincidentally, you can form a roughly Brock Oswiler-shaped sculpture made entirely out of $100 bills (total cost: $18 million), and it’s a little more mobile than he is.

They’d be doing him a favor; maybe Arians steps down and he can return to the friendly confines of Arizona.

Fuck dis quarterly accounts receivable update meeting

Don’t worry, climate change will make short work of us soon enough.

The Jets with Petty are in a League of Their Own, one in which they Tank, Girl.

He not only backed down by exiting the game but several of his internal organs got turned around

Maybe all late-season games can feature at least one team stretching for a better draft pick; it could be called Saturday Night Dive

Can’t wait to see Joe Smith III take on Hopkins in 2030

Wow, 650 comments! (peruses) Oh, 300 are by the same person

By screwed I assume you mean making $700M worldwide on relatively marginal character in his solo debut.

“After the play, Case Keenum took over for Goff, who was taken to the locker room” While in the locker room, he made a miraculous recovery, then asked a trusted equipment manager to smuggle him out in a huge laundry basket so he could get as far away from Rams as humanly possible.

Can you specifically determine how much money Chinanu Onuaku (rookie minimum) has generated for the league? The hypothetical situation in which the answer is anything but zero involves several people going down with season-ending injuries.