Kyle Wittjer has scored 10 total points this season for the Rockets and will make $540K this year and $900K next year. His player reps have collectively bargained a good deal for him.

Have to give it up for the proto-tiny scorer, 5'9" Houston Rockets legend Calvin Murphy, who in three years at Niagara averaged 33 points per game (with no 3-point line), including 38.2 ppg in the 1967-1968 season. Of course that was only good for 2nd best in the country as 6'5" Pistol Pete averaged 44 for LSU that…

Brook Lopez answers the question: “What happens when Dustin Diamond is subjected to gamma radiation?”

In true Pentagon style Army AD Boo Corrigan is being paid $32.9 billion per year.

Call off the dogs, I just watched some paint dry in under two hours

Where’s the love for Jeff Fisher, who tied the NFL record for losses by a coach, with a promise of several more to come this year and dozens over the next 8-10 years as Stan Kroenke executed his “fuck you, I got paid” gambit for the fan(s) of Los Angeles?

He ate a cherry before the game and was surprised they didn’t start the contest up 100-0.

It was good of four Bears defenders between the 5 and the goal line to permit him to get into the endzone so that we could see that.

I’m all for that (and going back to 5-team divisions); too many 8-8 and 9-7 anomalies get to hang division banners these days, including my beloved, despised Texans.

“Of all the Cleveland Browns in the world, you’re the Cleveland Browniest.”

I remember a time Dick Butkus hit Gale Sayers, in the back, with a truncheon, before the ball had even been punted, and he was ON THE SAME DAMN TEAM

Congrats to Deshazor for being the first person named after one of Ming the Merciless’ lieutenants in Flash Gordon.

The 12th Manslaughter

Thank goodness we still get the straight dope on lightly-watched Bravo reality shows here, our newsy little refuge

Hopefully Michael Ontkean did an on-ice strip tease to diffuse the situation and get the injured player to safety

Then he should be MADE to get it while in the DOCK of the INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT in THE HAGUE

Leave him alone, he’s already on the Mavericks, what more can be done

Truly the most important story of this election cycle, just like Gotcha! was the top movie, both commercially and critically, of 1985.

This reminder that goalpost movers will be in high demand for the foreseeable future is brought to you by the “Kasich is the reasonable moderate!” drivel, so contact your local employment agency for an exciting future TODAY

Look: math is hard. Covering NBA teams anybody outside of their loathsome fan bases, assuming one exists, could possibly give a shit about is hard.