Every basketball-related article on Deadspin contains one sentence proving the author doesn’t know that much/doesn’t care about basketball, and you found it!

Reporter: What did you think of Emmanuel’s antics?

SEC poisoning

It’s an internal police term, meaning they were ready to hand it off to a prosecutor but charges were dropped because of outside forces, examples found here

(yells headline like a newsie after saying EXTRA EXTRA) (gives many the vapors)

It’s like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic if the Titanic was a ship nobody gave a shit about at the time or now.

Kidnapping usually means abduction, i.e. taking somebody from one place to another, false imprisonment can be as simple as preventing somebody from freely exiting a room they were in.

So this is like an analog version of e-sports? What will they think of next?

That’s like blaming a dummy when the ventriloquist fucks up.

I know it’s a different movie but I would like to see Joe Pesci wrap a phone cord around Mark Davis’ neck so that his Buster Brown wig falls off

I look forward to promotions like Expired Shrimp Day and Holy Shit Tony Orlando’s Still Alive and Doing a Halftime Show Day

Welcome to Ace Rothstein Field at Tangiers Memorial Stadium (stadium collapses as it was built out of stale breadsticks by mob-connected construction crews)

To be fair he had a mouth full of piping hot PF Chang’s potstickers when the klaxon in his supersized Motorola DynaTAC 8000X started sounding.

The only thing left for the California Shakeup is for the 49ers to be relegated, preferably to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

They could get 3000 fans in Burner Phone Soccer Stadium instead of the predicted 1200.

If they would just rename articles “Dogshit Refs Lead to Amazing Play” then everyone would be happy

The good news is he could sleep standing up during the game and be semi-refreshed for 4th quarter crunch time

Two games above .500? Watch out, young Bucks reserve, you’re about to get some altitude-related nose-bleeds!

Looks like they’re about to start digging a few more holes out in the desert -- for construction purposes!

No exit? Think again, Sartre!