-Clerk at the gluten-free, vegan bakery

I hope his new boss tells him to quit eating food with his hands (like a goddamn animal).

The only thing worse than shitting yourself during a race is having a motorcycle follow you so they can film you shitting yourself during a race.

Good deeds still count if you don’t tell people, right?

I wear Orvis’ Invincible Extra socks year-round. The wool is warm in the winter and cool and the summer. I can’t say enough good things about these socks.

I wear Orvis’ Invincible Extra socks year-round. The wool is warm in the winter and cool and the summer. I can’t say…

Glad I’m not the only one who does this.

The assassination of Anwar Sadat was the first “big” story that grabbed me. I have no idea why.

One of many, many reasons.

Correction, they call him Mr. Theodore.

All I know of Wisconsin is what I saw driving along I-90...seemed like a lovely place. Except for its elected officals.

Unless you’re one of those rare people who gets really quiet with a nose full of “Bolivian Marching Powder” people are going to know.

My dog only brings in rehab pamplets. What did I do wrong?

They want magic to be preserved, understood, and promulgated? I know just the guy to help out with that!

“...Jill and Derick’s mission trip to “Central America” (why do they not say what country?”

What are the odds it was a decoy body vs. the odds it was a murder set up by a group of bitter Sonics fans?

I’m still waiting for a journalist to ask him “what the fuck is wrong with you?” on live television.

Eastern Washington = western Idaho.

Right-wingers have a particular knack for willful, deliberate misunderstanding.

Uh...didn’t our great-grandcestors fight a revolution so we wouldn’t have to say things like “fortnight” or “your highness” or “a single-payer health care system seems reasonable”?