I live in south Louisiana. Down here we still think the Catholic church sex scandal, for which the local parish was ground zero even before Boston, is a liberal conspiracy. The only reason we have DUI laws and the 21+ drinking age is because the Yankee imperialists in Washington were going to take away our highway…

Absolutely agree. Plus I tend to view all big cities as the equivalent of human feedlots, and Amazon as WalMart with a slightly-more-upscale clientele and an Internet connection. I’m also fond of telling the kids to get off my lawn unless they’re coming to deliver my weed.

As an old I am required to view all shoes without strings as trendy gimmicks. Except for my rubber shrimp/barn boots.

You may be right that NYC has set itself up for decline, but bringing in Amazon and giving them $3 billion in tax breaks is hardly likely to reverse that trend.

Every time he speaks it becomes easier to understand how he managed to bankrupt multiple casinos.

Please don’t forget Clarence Thomas when you’re listing idiots.

I think Kate has the best job in the world, except maybe for Keith Richards.

This country needs another professional football league like we need a bigger nuclear arsenal or a few more eighty-year-old billionaire senators.

I remember when my kids were little, and every time they couldn’t get their way by throwing a tantrum or sulking they too thought it was an emergency... I am so proud to discover that they  are presidential material. (One of my kids once threatened to call the abuse hotline because I made him put on headphones to…

Also kudos for ‘low-bucks racist shitgoblins”.

God I hope every Jill Stein voter in the country is writhing in shame right now.

If you got pulled over and spoke to the cop this incoherently you’d get an instant arrest for DWI. And probably deserve it. 

The corporate-owned, profit-driven, both-sider waffling media that depends on government issued licenses to survive, and which continues to promote the delusion that rich somehow equates to perceptive or insightful? Yep, sounds pretty ‘liberal’ to me.

As a not-yet-escaped Southerner I applaud this take. The only thing you left out is the Reefer-Madness-era thinking on decriminalizing marijuana, which is mainly takes on “But think of the white women we need to protect from drug-crazed rapists!”

I have this vision of an alternate/parallel universe where these two guys trade drugs of choice... Alex smokes ten joints a day and turns into Joe Rogan, and Joe starts mainlining Adderal and turns into Alex Jones. 

Good thing they weren’t speaking Farsi or Urdu-- they’d be on their way to a DHS retention center.

These are the same idiots who burned their Nikes to whine about Colin Kaepernick.

I was a Pelicans fan last year because I live near NO and lived in Lexington KY for 30 years. (The Pels were basically a UK alumni club last year— Davis, Cousins, Rondo, Darius Miller, one of the Harrison twins...) I keep having this image of Gentry sitting in his darkened office imagining the team he could have had…

Sirens of Titan and Welcome To The Monkey House.

They’re all individual countries? Not everything between Texas and Panama is Mexico? I’m shocked, I tell you....