My BF is 2 hours away and last week we met halfway. No touching, nothing. We were just happy to see each other and have a normal face to face talk. We went for a social distance walk and talked for almost 4 hours. It was so good to feel normal for a few hours. 

I learned never to share my desserts and I still don’t. If I get one small piece of cake, it’s all for me. Get your own. 

I used to go the bars with a GF, we would arrive together, split up, hook up with guys and then contact each other the next day to see how we did. We spent a whole summer doing that in the mid 80s. AIDS was something that only gay men caught. There was no such things as STDs and we never used condoms. The worst thing…

 Are you boinking someone who looks like your stepmother?  If not, then you are fine. 

That looks like what a teenage boy considers a romantic gesture to be. The only thing missing is a teddy bear with a heart stitched on the front. He’s wearing a hoodie so he’s got that part down. Grown ass men should not be wearing hoodies. They always look like they were picked up from the bedroom floor, sniffed and…

TL;DR: not enough money in the world to touch that. 

My university actively recruits Chinese students. They come for a visit and get a tour of the school, facilities and the city. We host them at our location, they are great kids but the school looks at them and sees dollar signs. They charge 4 times the domestic tuition and usually their first class is ESL. This summer…

I think she’s auditioning for the role of next Trump Wife which will become open after the election. When Trump loses, Melania will make her escape taking her kid with her. They’ll be filmed crossing the Alps like the family in The Sound of Music.

One busy Saturday night our special was cornish hens with a baked on glaze. A woman ordered one without the glaze. The chef found an unglazed one in the walk-in and cooked it up as fast as he could. Just as he was about to plate it, the hen slid from the pan and on to the floor. He looked at it for about 30 seconds,…

I buy my takeout coffee on my way home, and then heat it up in the microwave the next morning, but its one coffee at a time.

God and one blue glove will save that man from the virus.  

Thin crust with light ranch dressing instead of tomato sauce.

They’re practicing natural selection on themselves in real time.  Maybe encourage the ones with travel blogs that now is a good time to take a cruise. 

I went to Costco and they were opened before their usual time and were limiting the number of people allowed in. Associates directed people to where to stand to check out making sure distances were kept. I held my receipt out arms length at the door and that was fine. They didn’t mark it! It was heaven.

I’ve always shopped like that. I hate grocery shopping and tend to only buy 2 or 3 days worth at a time because shopping is anxiety time for me. The longer I spend in a grocery store the more anxious I get.  When my favourite store re-organized it was Hell for several months. Even before this crisis I’ve left my…

People will be ordering takeout in a week when they get tired of making shitty meals from panic bought food that they never ate before.  

She went for the Melania Lite Makeover Package.

lol, that was me too, leftover pizza is tomorrow’s breakfast.

Back when the first Gulf War broke out and the US started bombing I was at a 2 week silent retreat. I left completely relaxed, energized and ready to face the world. I got home and turned on the TV and truly thought the world was ending. My serenity lasted less then 24 hours. Let them live in blissful ignorance for a…

I walked into a similar situation in a workplace washroom. But it wasn’t blood, it was a inch deep slurry of shit and water. Someone had diarrhera  explosively to the point where the toilet couldn’t flush. It overflowed and they just left.  Didn’t tell anyone, just left brownie green liquid sloshing all over the…