Don’t worry, by tomorrow, Fox and Trump will spin it into a standing ovation. 

I was pulled over once on a highway. It was winter and dark. When the cop approached my window, my first words were that he should be wearing an orange/reflector jacket for his safety. I was nervous so I went on and on about how he needed to be safe. He was nice about it and thanked me but still gave me a ticket.

Or the traditional pizza delivery guy.

My fantasy for my family members is to throat punch them. Most of them do something every day to deserve it.

Hit the “cop busts an innocent woman who will do anything not to be arrested!” tab by mistake. 

Correction: Ready to shoot some toy gun holding black
kid. Because kids with toys are the most dangerous “zoo animals”.

Sigh.  Remember the good old days, 2-3 weeks ago when finding the anonymous White House NYT writer was a thing?  Ttump’s tenure is just a never ending burning dumpster fire. 

Every time there was a party, one dickhead friend managed to find a guitar to punish everyone with. It was always the cue to head to the kitchen or go outside.

Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Hot summer nights, getting stoned, that song on replay while laying in a darkened field making out with your crush.

OMG, my mother. She told me I was fat 2 months after I gave birth because I was 10 lbs over my pre-baby weight. She sneers all the time at women and only women. “Look at the size of her”, “she’s hefty”, “she got so big”, “look at her in those pants”, “how big is she now?”. Never, ever about men. She was snarking at…

I was walking upstairs carrying a carving knife, it was Thanksgiving and I went to the basement to fetch something and for some reason kept the knife in my hand. I tripped and the knife brushed the side of my face and eye. If I had  tripped just a bit harder, I would have sliced off half my face. It was scary how…

Stay away from the breads, soups and salads. I stick with the proteins, like roast beef, chicken if it’s prepared in a way that I don’t usually eat. Avoid the shrimp, it’s factory farmed and tasteless. 

Me too, if I stand at the end of my street I can almost see my pizza place. I always tip more because I know he thinks that he’s getting  nothing because it’s a 3 minute drive.

They must be hoping for a lot of “I’m expecting a package from Amazon and have to wait for it.”

I would watch just to see who was invited and actually attended.

You can be physically healthy but your mind hurts so much that it’s unbearable. You just want relief.

Well, there you go. The Magical Marijuana which the cop would have no idea about BEFORE this shit went down  is the reason this man was shot to death. It could have been almost excuse but this attempt to rationalize an innocent man’s death is pretty low. Sadly, not the first time Black people are held to a higher…

I’ve stayed out of the US ever since the election, so not a problem. 

My mother had 8 kids under the age of 10 at one point. When her frustration level was exceeded we were all sent to our rooms. Our father’s response was to bring out his leather belt. If there is a Hell, hope he’s there. 

She should have used the Wet Willie, everyone carries one.