Had a good friend like that, she brought her kid with her everywhere. Couldn’t have an adult conversation because the kid was always sitting there listening and asking questions.  I haven’t seen her in years except on FB.

A landlord made the no overnight guests period after one tenant basically moved her deadbeat BF in. He lived in her room undetected for about a month.

And the roommate’s brother who took over the living room to play video games because our TV is bigger and then gets pissy when told he has to give up the TV to the people who actually pay the rent.

Not the first time this summer she had to stand next to a steaming pile of manure. 

What the fuck is “savory homemade mushroom cinnamon rolls?”

I’ve never had a craving for it. It’s the same with date squares which were the family dessert because they were so cheap to make.  I can’t stand them to this day. I’m not a food snob but when I left home and had black forest cake for the first time, I thought I died and went to heaven. 

We were poor and thick cut bologna that came in wax coated logs was our meat of choice. For special occasions my mother bought chicken bologna. I made a Scarlett O’Hara promise to myself that I’d never eat bologna again and I’ve kept it.

I noticed this condition with an uncle. Two years ago, he was sometimes repeating himself. Now, he often sounds like Trump (broken sentences, losing his train of thought, random talk that makes no sense) except my uncle is a sweet man who wouldn’t hurt a fly and is still a joy to be around even if he asks you how…

I took a senior friend to a Popeyes like place. She couldn’t finish her meal and asked for a takeout box. She was so delighted that she tipped the cashier $5.

Excuse me, but that’s 5 cents saved over the 2 years it will take to eat all that peanut butter.

Yeah,  and we know who you fucking are.  We aren’t looking at you with admiration because you got a mouthful of free samples. You don’t want to know what we call you under our breath.

Yeah, memories of a White co-worker who used to tell me all the time, very earnestly how she never “saw” colour. 

Subway: Our “core values” include child porn/molestation.  We draw the line at racial slurs. There are standards to uphold after all. 

A retail worker’s worst nightmare isn’t an asshole customer, it’s their manager. 

Wow,  that is one red neck on that guy. 

In my sibling’s opinion, she did not need therapy. She was fine, we were the problem. 

My sibling pretended to be HIV positive for sympathy and always had two boyfriends at the same time and played them off against each other. Her last drunken email to me was about 10 years ago and I don’t miss her. 

You’d think he’d able to recognize a forgery. 

My husband bought an inset diamond engagement ring because he knew I was left-handed and clumsy.  I’d lose both those diamonds in a week. 

Seriously? She wore a gift from the Obamas to meet Trump?  When she has a freaking huge pile of gold to choose from?  Please God, someone tell Trump that.