Judge Judy would have told him to get his hands out of his pockets and straighten up.

The chafing, though.

Like Leonard Cohen, he can bring you to tears with just one line.

I had a work friend like that, work was fine though her only topic of conversation was how incompetent everyone in her office was. She suggested we get together for a movie. We went and it was painful because aside from work we had nothing in common. But because a precedent had been set she kept asking for more…

You’re not the boss of me!

All the good girls are home with broken hearts

Perhaps he should visit the families of the dead and injured and explain his theories to them in person.

Ha! My BF was preparing to throw out yogurt that had expired the day before and I asked him what difference less than 12 hours made in terms of safely consuming the yogurt.

I saw it, it was actually pretty good. I’d watch it again. Jim Carrey was Jim Carrey but not in an obnoxious way. He played a funny version of himself.

When I was in school the 3 best profs I had were adjuncts. They were interesting and engaged in teaching. One of them was so good that at the end of the semester when she thanked us for being great students, we gave her a round of applause. They were all women and I still remember them 8 years later.

Well, one guy did have on a red shirt....

Bless your heart.

A friend rents her home in the summer and based on the mild stories she has (guests taking showers without closing the shower curtain) I’d never let anyone I didn’t know into my house.

They should do one last sad reality show with the remaining girlfriends and staff sadly packing up all the detritus left behind. Each one shows a memento that holds a special memory and talks about the first time they climbed onto his dick.

“Look at all those people crying from hunger and thirst! Isn’t this great!”

When he shows up next week while using valuable resources that should be directed to desperate survivors, they better turn up to cheer in a massive crowd, otherwise there’ll be Hell to pay.

Wasn’t the Northeast blackout of 2003 caused by falling branches at one substation? It cascaded until millions lost power. We can do a civilization breakdown ourselves without outside help from terrorists.

“Otherwise, there will be a massive exodus to the (continental) United States.”

My go to swear is Holy sheep shit. Nothing else slips out.

The chicken keeps asking “Have you seen my mom?”, while pointedly looking at the chicken caesar wrap.