GESTAPO SOUP!

Probably whiter than bridge, because Asian people will play some fucking bridge.

This is exactly it- any woman is entitled to an abortion. Even ones who protest abortion.

You never played Shenmue?

You'd be surprised.

That’s my fetish!

Sorry about that- I didn’t realize you weren’t being serious. Here, have a Bishonen Hitler:

Paleo is stupid from a culinary point of view, stupid from a nutritional point of view, and stupid from an anthropological point of view.

“You called, Dumb-dumb?”

I’m friends with the owners of a couple of bars I frequent. They are very nice people, and like to comp me things on occasion. I would never demand a comp or even mention to staff that I knew the owner. I think I would die of embarrassment first.

Steak tartare is amazing. Raw hamburger from the supermarket? You might as well just lick a public toilet.

Skyline chili is the worst. You are everything that is wrong with America.

The waitress would ask if they wanted it without the stick, but noooo, they wanted the stick in it so that they could send it back to the kitchen to have the stick removed (because they couldn’t do it themselves).

THE PUMPKIN SPICE MUST FLOW

What about a walk-in cooler?

Yeah, fuck that Clapton dude.

“Oh, no- I’m bisexual. If you’re buying, I’m sexual.”

Given how strict some people are about chametz these days, and the fact that I drink a lot of beer with active yeast cultures, I’m probably no longer kosher for passover.

“Mediocre!”