i bet paltrow has tips for where to keep that crystal without cluttering up your living space.

“Nelson, who is now a graduate student in linguistics studying online harassment”

Nah, just vent to the popcorn vendor in Tomorrowland. That's the preferred method.

My mom would have beat me, then made me go on national TV and apologize, then took me home, beat me some more and planned my life until I was 18, weekly beatings included. 

I know it’s hip and cool and edgy to blame the Raiders for this, but I fail to see how they’re in the wrong. This ALL is 100% in Antonio Clown’s hands. 

WHERE DO YOU SHOP?

OK, my first post on the Root.

I can’t imagine how tough that must be, and the strength it must take, but it looks like he’s got it to spare.

Well... that is something. 

This is...    way too much information.

I didn’t see Clerks 2 as soon as it came out and my friends were all saying it was super shitty. Watched it like 5 years later and I thought it wasn’t too bad.

I am very disappointed in the fact that “Buckaroo Banzai Against The World Crime League” was not made.

the summer spider man 3 and pirates of the caribbean 3 came out was a rough one.

Holy shit. Did you get a course credit for writing this?

“I lifted every lick he ever played.”

In what universe is “I must fuck Chris Kattan” a condition for getting a movie made?

Vicki Lewis (everything NewsRadio really) was so awesome. I can’t believe KG stole her shtick and made a living despite zero talent while VL quietly lives in the background.

Oh hush, ya fool. No one cares.


I wish we were in a parallel dimension in which she disappeared with Suddenly Susan. I can’t believe I’ve spent 20+ years having to hear about the lesser version of Vicki Lewis.  

I wish she’d taken Jerry Seinfeld’s advice and quit showbiz in 1996.

Write a full score for each show, Zutroi, and every week you’ll get a shiny nickel.